上海幽默双语

上海幽默双语篇一：双语幽默1-10则

双语幽默1-10则

双语幽默1：使用规则

Restroom Use:Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom.There is now a strict 3 minute time limilt in the stalls.At the end of 3 minutes,an alarm will sound,the tollet paper roll will retract,the stall door will open and a picture will be taken. After your 2nd offense,your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board.

厕所使用规则：大家上厕所的时间太长，现在规定一次只能去三分钟。时间一到，厕纸会缩回，厕所门会打开，你将被拍下来。如果第二次违反规定，照片将被贴到公司公告栏。

双语幽默2：精神专家

The psychiatrist has really helped me a lot.I would never answer the phone, because I was afraid. Now I answer it whether it rings or not.

精神专家真的帮了我大忙。以前我不敢接电话，现在不管电话响不响我都都接。

双语幽默3：洗碗

A:What do you use for washing dishes?

B:On,I’ve tried many things but found my husband is best.

甲：你用什么洗碗？

乙: 哦，我试过很多东西，后来发现老公最好用。

双语幽默4：名单

双语幽默5：安眠药 Girlfriend: Are you sure you love me and no one else? Boyfriend: Dead sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday.女友：你确定你只爱我一个？ 男友：绝对！昨天我刚查过名单。

双语幽默6：傻子

Wife:You know,I was a fool when I married you.

Husband:Yes, dear, but I was in love and did’t notice.

老婆：知道吗，我嫁给你的时候可真是个傻子。

老公：是的，亲爱的，我当时陷入爱河，没发现

双语幽默7：晚点

Passenger:What’s the use of haaving a train schedule if the trains are always late?

Railroad driver:Well,how would we know they were late, if we didn’t have a shedule?

旅客：火车总是晚点，要列车时刻表还有什么用？

火车司机：如果没有时刻表，怎么能知道晚点呢？

双语幽默8：包围与进攻

Soldier:Sir,we are surrounded!

Major:Excellent! We can attack in any direction now!

Doctor:Your husband needs rest and peace. Here are some sleeping pills. Wife:When must I give them to him? Doctor:They are for you. 医生：你丈夫需要安静地休息。这是安眠药 老婆：我什么时候给他吃？ 医生：这是给你的。

士兵：长官，我们被包围了！

少校：太好了，我们可以向任何方向进攻！

双语幽默9：如此标点

Punctuate the following sentence:A woman without her man is nothing.

Males: A woman, without her man, is nothing.

Females: A woman:without her, man is nothing.

给下面句子加标点符号：女人没有她男人什么都不是

男人：女人，没有她男人，什么也不是

女人：女人，没有她，男人什么也不是。

双语幽默10：婚后

Girl: When we get married,I want to share all your wrrries,troubles and lighten your burden.

Boy: It’s very kind of you, darling, but I don’t have any worries or troubles.

Girl:Well that is because we aren’t married yet.

女孩：我们结婚后，我要分担你的忧愁、烦恼，减轻你的负担。

男孩：亲爱的，你太好了，但是我没有什么忧愁和烦恼。

女孩：那是因为我们还没结婚呢。

上海幽默双语篇二：双语幽默故事

24个双语幽默故事(七年级)

第一篇

I’ve Lost 5 Dollars Little George was crying one day, and his uncle asked him why. “ I?ve lost 5 dollars,” sobbed George.

“Never mind,” said his uncle kindly, “Here

?s another 5 dollars for you.” At which George howled louder than ever instead. “Now what is it?” asked his uncle.

“I wish I?d said I?d lost 10 dollars!”

我丢失了五美元

一天乔治哭了，他叔叔问他怎么了。

“我丢了五美元。”乔治哭着说。

“没关系，”叔叔和蔼地说，“我再给你五美元。”但乔治反而哭得比刚才更大声了。

“这是怎么了？”叔叔问。

“我后悔刚才没有说丢了十美元。”

第二篇

The Cat And the Mice

Mrs Brown went to visit one of her friend and carried a small box with holes punched in the top.

“What's in your box?” asked the friend.

“A cat,” answered Mrs Brown. “You see I've been dreaming about mice at night and I'm so scared! This cat is to catch them.”

“But the mice are only imaginary,” said the friend.

“So is the cat,”

whispered Mrs Brown.

猫和老鼠

布朗夫人去拜访一位朋友，她拿着一个顶部扎满了小眼儿的盒子。

“盒子里装的是什么？”朋友问道。

“一只小猫，

”布朗夫人回答说，

“你知道我晚上睡觉总梦见老鼠，

我非常害怕。这只猫可以抓住那些老鼠。”

“可老鼠都是假想的呀。”朋友说。

“小猫也是假想的。”布朗夫人小声说道。

第三篇

A Good Boy

Little Robert asked his mother for two cents.

“What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?”

“I gave it to a poor old woman,”he answered.

“You're a good boy,” said the mother proudly.

“Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?” “She is the one who sells the candy.”

好孩子

小罗伯特向妈妈要两美分。

“昨天给你的钱干什么了？”

“我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。

“你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说，“再

给你两美分。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？”

“她是个卖糖果的。”

第四篇

Drunk

One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all

kinds of things and was always asking questions.

Now, he asked, “What's the meaning of the word ?Drunk?, Dad?”

“Well, my son,” his father replied, “look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two

policemen as four then I am drunk.”

“But, Dad,” the boy said, “there?s only ONE policeman!”

醉酒

一天，父亲与小儿子一道回家。

这个孩子正处于那种对什么事都很感兴趣的年龄，老是有提不完的问题。他向父亲发问道：“爸爸，‘醉’字是什么意思？”

“唔，孩子，”父亲回答说，“你瞧那儿站着两个警察。如果我把他们看成了四个，那么我就算醉了。”

“可是，爸爸,”孩子说,“那儿只有一个警察呀！”

第五篇

Exchange the Tortoise for the Wolf

Teacher: Some students are becoming arrogant. Do you remember the story about race between the hare and the tortoise? Now, Xiaoming, will you please tell us why the hare was defeated by the tortoise?

Xiaoming: Because the hare fell asleep.

Teacher: Absolutely right! What should we do so that the hare won't fall asleep? Xiaoming: Exchange the tortoise for the wolf.

把乌龟换成狼

老师：有些同学开始骄傲了，大家还记得龟兔赛跑的故事吗。小明，你说说看，兔子为什么输给乌龟？

小明：因为它睡觉了。

老师：对极了！我们应该怎么做才能让兔子不睡觉呢？

小明：把乌龟换成狼！

第六篇

Why Did It Make You Late

Mike was late for school. He said to his teacher, Mr. Black, “Excuse me for my coming late,

sir. I watched a football match in my dream.”

“Why did it make you late?” inquired the teacher.

“Because neither team could win the game, so it lasted a long time,”

replied Mike.

那什么会使你迟到呢

迈克上学迟到了。他对老师布莱克先生说：

对不起，我迟到了，老师。我梦见了一场足球赛。”

老师问：”那什么会使你迟到呢？”

迈克回答说：”因为两个队不分胜负，因此持续了很长时间。”

第七篇

Correct

Teacher: Jimmy, what are the three words which pupils use most often at school? Jimmy: I don?t know ...

Teacher: Correct.

很对

教师：吉米，学生在学校里经常用的三个字是什么？

吉米：不知道??

老师：很对。

第八篇

A History Book

Teacher：Why are you drawing in your history book?

Jack：I'm trying to make a mark in history.

历史书

老师：你为什么在历史书上乱画？

杰克：我要试着在历史上留下痕迹。

第九篇

Who Discovered America

Teacher: Pappu, go to the map and find North America.

Pappu: Here it is!

Teacher: Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?

Class: Pappu!

谁发现了美洲

老师：帕普，去地图前找到美洲。

帕普：在这儿！

老师：正确。现在，大家告诉我，谁发现了美洲？

学生：帕普！

第十篇

Is He Dying

A man was sitting in a bar with tears streaming down his face. A

friend walked in and asked why he was so sad. The weeping one said,

“The doctor has just told me I’ll have to take the tablets for the rest of my life. His friend pointed out that many people have to take tablets every day of their life. “Sure,” came the reply,

“but he only gave me ten.”

他就要死了吗

一个男人坐在酒吧里痛哭流涕。

一个朋友走进来问他问什么如此伤心。

那人哭着说：“刚才医生告诉我，在我的余生里每天都要吃这些药片。”

他的朋友指出，许多人一辈子每天都要吃药片。

“当然，”男人回答说，

“但是他只给了我十片。”

第十一篇

He Knows the Answer

Teacher: Can you tell me anything about the great scientists of the 18th century? Pupil: Yes, sir, I can. They are all dead.

他知道答案

老师：你能告诉我一些关于18世纪的伟大科学家的事情吗？

学生：可以，老师。他们都死了。

第十二篇

No Problem

A bald man took a seat in a beauty shop.

“How can I help you?” asked the stylist.

“I went for a hair transplant,”the guy explained,

“but I couldn?t stand the pain. If you can make my hair look like yours without causing me any discomfort,

I?ll pay you $5 000.”

“No problem,”said the stylist, and he quickly shaved his own head.

没问题

一个秃头的男人坐在理发店里。

发型师问：

“有什么可以帮你吗？”那个人解释说：

“我本来想去做头发移植，但实在太痛了。如果你能够让我的头发看起来像你的一样，而且没有任何痛苦，我就给你5 000美元。”

“没问题。”发型师说，然后他很快地给自己剃了个光头。

第十三篇

A Driver

Aman drives his car at 130 miles per hour on the road. He is stopped by a traffic police.

“Sorry officer,” says the driver,

“Am I driving too fast?”

“No, sir. You are flying too slow,”the traffic police answers.

司机

某人开车以每小时130英里的速度在公路上行驶，被交警拦住了。

“对不起，警官。”司机说，“我是不是开得太快了？”

“不，先生，你是飞得太慢了。”交警回答说。

第十四篇

I Wasn’t Listening

Mother asked her little daughter who was reading a book.

“What are you reading, dear?”

“Idon?t know,”

the little girl answered,

“Iwas reading aloud, Mom, but I wasn?t listening.”

我没有听

女儿在大声读书，妈妈问：“亲爱的，你在读什么？”

“我不知道，”小女孩回答说，

“我在朗读，可我没有在听啊！”

第十五篇

Three Reasons

Teacher: Stone, give me three reasons why you know the Earth to be round. Stone: Ma says so, Pa says so, and you say so！

三条理由

老师：斯通，说出三条理由来证明地球是圆的。

斯通：妈妈是这么说的，爸爸是这么说的，你也是这么说的。

第十六篇

I Am Napoleon

Late one night at the insane asylum one inmate shouted,

“I am Napoleon!”

Another one said,

“How do you know?”

The first inmate said,

“God told me!”

Just then, a voice from another room shouted,

“I did not!”

我是拿破仑

一天晚上，在疯人院里，一个病人大喊：

“我是拿破仑！”

另一个说：“你是怎么知道的？”

第一个人说：“上帝对我说的！”

这时，一个声音从另一个房间里传来：

“我没说！”

第十七篇

The Lowest Grade

Student: Professor, I did the best I could on this test. I really don?t think I deserve a zero.

Teacher: Neither do I. But that?s the lowest grade

I’m allowed to give.

最低分

学生：教授先生，我这次考试已经竭尽全力了。我真的觉得我不应该得零分。 老师：我也这么觉得。但是这已经是我能给的最低分了。

第十八篇

Best Reward

Anaval officer fell overboard. He was rescued by a deck hand. The

officer asked how he could reward him.

“The best way, sir,” said the deck hand

“is to say nothing about it. If the other fellows knew

I?d pulled you out, they

上海幽默双语篇三：小学生英语幽默故事(超全版,中英双语)

Ten Candies

Mother asks her son, “Jim, if you have ten candies, and you eat four, then how many candles do you have?”

“Ten.” Jim says.

“Then,” Mother asks.

“Yes, Mum. Four candles are in my stomach and six candies are out of my stomach. Four and six is ten, isn?t it right?”

故事2 十块糖

妈妈问儿子：“吉姆， 如果你有10块糖，吃了4块，那你还有几块糖？” “10块。”吉姆说。

“10块？”妈妈问。

“是的，妈妈。因为4块在我的肚子里面，6块在肚子外面，4加6等于10，不对吗？”

小学生英语故事

包括：幽默故事（1-7页）、普通小故事（7-40页）。激发小朋友们学英语的兴趣，帮助他们提高成绩。最好每天背一篇，会有不错的效果的 O(∩_∩)O

英文幽默故事：

There was a guy who went into a shop to buy a parrot. There werethree parrots in the shop. One was $5,000; another one, $10,000; and the third one, $30,000. The customer asked the owner, “How come this guy is $5,000? That?s so expensive for this kindof parrot.” The owner said, “Because I have trained him and he can talk.” So the customer asked him, “How about this guy? What can he do that makes him so expensive?” The owner said, “Well, apart from talking, he can also do some amusing actions,like dancing and so on. That?s why he?s so expensive.” Then the customer said, “How about the third one? What canhe do that makes him so expensive?” The owner of the shopsaid, “I don?t know. Normally, I have never heard him talk, nor dance, nor whistle, nor sing, nothing at all! But the other two call him ?The Boss.?”

老板最大 有个人到一间商店买鹦鹉。店里有三只鹦鹉，其中一只卖五千元，另一只卖一万元，还有一只卖三万元。顾客问老板：「为什么这只要卖五千元？这个价钱对这种鹦鹉来说太贵了！」老板说：「因为我有训练他讲话。」顾客又问：「那这只呢？他会做什么？为什么要卖这么贵？」老板说：「他除了会说话之外，还会表演一些有趣的动作，好比说跳舞等等，所以才卖这么贵。」顾客接着又问：「那第三只呢？他会做什么？为什么要卖这么贵？」老板说：「我不知道。我从没听过他讲话、吹口哨或唱歌，也没看过他跳舞，什么都没有！不过另外两只叫他：『老板！』」

Where is the egg?

Teacher:Can you make a sentence with the word "egg"?

Student:Yes.I ate a piece of cake yesterday.

Teacher:Then where is the “egg"?

Student:In the cake,Sir.

鸡蛋在哪里？

老师：你能用“鸡蛋”一词造句吗？

学生：可以。我昨天吃了一块蛋糕。

老师：“鸡蛋”在哪？

学生：在蛋糕里，先生

Tom is a little boy, and he is only seven years old. Once he goes to a cinema. It is the first time for him to do that. He buys a ticket and goes in. But after two or three minutes he comes out, and buys the second ticket and goes in again. After a few minutes he comes out again and buys the third ticket. Two or three minutes after that he comes out and asks for another ticket. But a girl asks him, “Why do you buy so many tickets? How many friends do you meet?” “No, I have no friends here, but a big woman always stops me at the door and cuts up my ticket.”

汤姆是个小孩， 他才7岁。 当他去电影院的时候。那时他第一次去。他买了张票进去了。 但没过两三分钟他就出来了，然后买了第二张票又进去了。 几分钟后他又出来买了第三张票。 接着两三分钟后他又出来买票。 一个女的问她，“你为什么要买那么多票啊? 你见到了几个朋友？" "没有， 我里面没朋友， 但是每当我进门的时候一位大的女人老把我的票给剪了"

Child:My uncle has 1000 men under him.

Man:He is really somebody.What does do?

Child:A maintenance man in a cemetery

他真是一个大人物

小孩：我叔叔下面有1000个人。

男人：他真是一个大人物。他是干什么的？

小孩：墓地守墓人。

Teacher: Would Shakespeare be a great man if he were still alive today?

Student: Of course. He must be a great man, for so far nobody has lived to over 400 years.

一名伟人

老师：如果莎士比亚还活着，他会是一名伟人吗？

学生：当然。因为到目前为止，还没有人活到400多岁。

Mr. Smith: Waiter, there's a dead fly in

my soup.

Waiter: Yes, sir, I know---it's the heat that kills it.

史密斯先生：服务员，我的汤里有一只死苍蝇．

服务员：是的，先生，我知道了，它是被烫死的．

Son: Dad, give me a dime.

Father: Son, don't you think you're getting too big to be forever begging for dimes? Son: I guess you're right, Dad, Give me a dollar, will you?

儿子：爸爸，给我一角钱。

父亲：儿子，你不认为你已经长大了，不该再老是一角一角地要钱了(该自立了)，不是吗？

儿子：爸爸，我想你是对的，那给我一块钱行吗？

A little kid fell in love with another little kid, a school mate. Sometimes the kids think they fall in love when they have a crush on someone else in the class, when they?re eight or ten years old or something like that. So the eight-year-oldkid came back home and asked his father, “Father, is it expensive to be married?” And the father said, “Yes, son, it is very expensive.” So the son asked, “How much does it cost?” And the father said, “I don?t know, son. I?m still paying.”

有个小孩爱上了另一个小孩，对方是学校的同学。八岁或十岁左右的孩子有时会

迷恋班上某个人，然后就以为自己恋爱了。因此这个八岁的小孩回家问他爸爸：「爸爸，结婚很花钱吗？」爸爸说：「是啊，儿子，非常花钱。」儿子又问：「要花多少钱呢？」爸爸说：「我不知道，儿子，我到现在还一直在付钱啊！」

"Boy, why have you got cotton-wool in your ear? Is it infected?" "No, sir, but you said yesterday that everything you told me went in one ear and out the other , so I am trying to stop it."

“孩子，你为什么用棉花塞住耳朵？它感染了吗？”

“没有，老师。可是你昨天说你告诉我的知识都是一个耳朵里进，一个耳朵里出，所以我要把它堵在里面。”

“I'm sorry ，Madam ，but I shall have to charge you twenty dollars for pulling your boy's tooth .”

“Twenty d ollars! Why ，I understand you to say that you charged only four dollars for such work!”

“Yes，but this youngster yelled so terribly that he scared four other patients out of the office .”

“对不起，夫人，为您孩子拔牙我要收取20美元。”

“20美元！为什么？不是说好只要4美元。”

“是的，但是你的孩子大喊大叫，把另外四个病人吓跑了。”

TWO： Teacher：We all know that beat causes an object to expand an cold cauese it to contract. Now，can anyone give me a good example?

John：Well ，in the summer the days are long，and in the winter the days are short. 老师：我们都知道热胀冷缩的道理。现在，谁给我举个例子？

约翰：嗯，在夏天天都长，在冬天天都短。

相关热词搜索：双语 上海 幽默 上海双语幼儿园 上海协和双语