英文幽默笑话

英文幽默笑话篇一：英语幽默小笑话六篇

? 英语幽默小笑话六篇

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frog 青蛙

Frog The science teacher lecturing his class in biology said, "Now I'll show you this frog in my pocket." He then reached into his pocket and pulled out a chicken sandwich. He looked puzzled for a second, thought deeply, and said, "That's funny. I distinctly remember eating my lunch."

老师正在给学生上生物课：“现在，我将要给你们看我袋子里的这只青蛙。”接着，他把手伸进口袋，却拿出了一份鸡肉三文治。老师满脸困惑地看了一眼，沉思了一会儿，说道：“真奇怪。我明明记得我已经把午饭吃掉了。”

人们什么时候说话最少？

Teacher: What is the plural of man,Tom?

老师: 汤姆，“男人”这个词的复数形式是什么?

Tom: Men.

汤姆:男人们。

Teacher: Good. And the plural of child?

老师: 答得好。那“孩子”的复数形式呢?

Tom : Twins.

汤姆: 双胞胎。

谁欠谁钱

A lawyer's dog, running about unleashed, beelines for a butcher shop and steals a roast. Butcher goes to lawyer's office and asks, "If a dog running unleashed steals a piece of meat from my store, do I have a right to demand payment for the meat from the dog's owner?" The lawyer answers, "Absolutely." "Then you owe me $8.50. Your dog was loose and stole a roast from me today." The lawyer, without a word, writes the butcher a check for $8.50. Several days later, the butcher opens the mail and finds an envelope from the lawyer: $250 due for a consultation.

律师的狗，没有拴而到处闲逛，它来到一家肉店，偷走了一块 烤肉。店主来到律师的办公室，问道“如果一条没栓的狗从我的商店里偷了块肉，我有权利从狗的主人那里要回损失吗？律师答道：“完全可以”，“那你欠我 8.50美元，你的狗没栓而且今天从我的店里头了块肉”，律师什么都没说，马上给他写了一张支票。一些天后，店主打开邮箱，发现一封来自律师的信，信上写 道：咨询费250美元。I Have His Ear in My Pocket

I Have His Ear in My Pocket

Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What happened?"

"A kid bit me," replied Ivan.

"Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother.

"I'd know him any where," said Ivan. "I have his ear in my pocket."

他的耳朵在我衣兜里

伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。他妈妈问，“发生了什么事？”

“一个男孩咬了我一口，”伊凡说。

“再见到他你能认出来吗？”妈妈问。

“他走到哪里我都能认出他，”伊凡说。“他的耳朵还在我衣兜里呢。”

Give up your seat to a lady给女士让座

Little Johnny says "Mom, when I was on the bus with Daddy this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady."

"You've done the right thing," says Mommy.

"But Mommy, I was sitting on daddy's lap."

小强尼说：“妈妈，今天早上和爸爸在公车上时，他叫我让座给一位女士。”

妈妈说：“你做得很对呀。”

“但是，妈妈，我是坐在爸爸膝盖上的。”

What Was It She Wanted？

A store manager heard a clerk tell a customer．“No，ma’am， we haven't had any for a while， and it doesn't look asif we'll be getting soon．” Horrified，the manager came runningover to the customer and said，“Of course， we'll have somesoon， We placed an order last week．” Then the manager drewthe clerk aside：“Never， never， never say we are out of anything—say we've got it on order and it's coming． Now whatwas it she wanted？” “Rain．” said the clerk．

一个商店经理听见一个店员对顾客说：“不，夫人，这会儿没有，一时半会儿看来也不会有。”经理惊恐万分地跑到顾客跟前说：“当然，马上就会有的。我们上周订了货。”然后经理把店员拉到一边：“千万，千万，千万不要说我们没有什么——说我们已经订了货，货马上就到。现在你说她要买什么？” “雨，”店员说。

英文幽默笑话篇二：外国最新英语幽默笑话精粹

外国最新英语幽默笑话精粹

(1)多少钱？

It was winter, and Mrs. Hermann wanted to do a lot of shopping, so she waited until it was Saturday, when her husband was free, and she took him to the shops with her to pay for everything and to carry her parcels. They went to a lot of shops, and Mrs. Hermann bought a lot of things. She often stopped and said , "Look，Joe! Isn' t that beautiful !”

(冬天就要来了，荷曼太太想采购一大堆的东西，所以她就一直等到周六丈夫有空的时候，她拖着他去商店付钱连带拎包裹。他们去了许多家商店，荷曼太太买了很多很多东西。她经常停下脚步说:“看，乔伊!那个多漂亮!”)

He then answered, "All right, dear, How much is it?" And took his money out to pay for it.

(他总是回答:“好吧!亲爱的，多少钱?”然后掏钱去付款。)

It was dark when they came out of the last shop, and Mr. Hermann was tired and thinks about other things，like a nice drink by the side of warm fire at home. Suddenly his wife looked up at the sky and said, "Look at that beautiful moon, Joe!”

(他们从最后一家商店出来的时候夜幕已降临，荷曼先生己累得筋疲力尽了，他心想着其他事情，比如，在家里暖暖的火炉边喝着美酒。突然他太太仰望天空，说道:“看，乔伊，多么美的月亮啊!”)

Without stopping, Mr. Hermann answered，"All right, dear, how much is it?” (荷曼先生不假思索地答道:“好吧，亲爱的，多少钱?”)

(2)我这是在哪儿？

Nat lived in a small town in England. He always stayed in England for his

holidays, but then last year he thought," I've never been outside this country. All my friends go to Spain, and they like it very much, so this year I’m going to go there too.

兰特住在英格兰的一座小镇上，假期总是呆在国内。但是去年，他想:“我从未出过国。我所有的朋友都去西班牙度假，都觉得那儿很不错，今年我也要去那儿一趟。

”First he went to Madrid and stayed in a small hotel for a few days. On the first morning he went out for a walk. In England people drive on the left, but in Spain they drive on the right. Nat forgot about this, and while he was crossing a busy street, a bicycle knocked him down.

他首先去了马德里，在一家小旅馆呆了几天。第一天上午，他出去逛逛。在英国，人们是靠左行驶，但在西班牙是靠右。兰特忘记了这点。他在过一条车辆拥挤的街道时，被一辆自行车撞倒在地。

Nat lay on the ground for a few seconds and then he sat up and said: "Where am I?" An old man was selling maps at the side of the street, and he at once came to Nat and said，..said, Map of the city, sir?"

兰特在地上躺了几秒钟，然后坐起来说:“我这是在哪儿?”一位老人正在街道旁边卖地图，他立即走到兰特跟前说:“买张交通图，先生?”

(3)业余爱好

On my first day of law school at den Paul university in Chicago，our professor instructed us to write down our name, phone number and hobbies, he explained that he wanted the information so he could notify us of any changes in class time or assignments.

我在芝加哥德保罗大学法学院上学的第一天，教授让我们写下自己的姓名，电话号码和业余爱好。他解释说他想了解这些信息，这样万一上课的时间有变动或者有什么作业，他就可以通知我们。

"So why do you want our hobbies?" one student asked.

“那么你为什么要知道我们的业余爱好呢?”一名学生问道。

"I'll give these sheets back to you at the end of the year,” he said. "This way you can remember what you used to do when you had free time.”

“我会在这一学年结束时将这些东西还给你们。”他说，“这样你们就能想起过去有空闲的时间都曾做些什么。

”

(4)优缺点

"This house,” said the real-estate salesman, "has both its good points and its bad point. To show you I' m honest, I'm going to tell yon about the

disadvantages一there is a chemical plant one block south and a

slaughterhouse one block north.”

“这幢房子，”房地产推销商说，“既有优点也有缺点。为了说明我是诚实的，我将告诉你们它的缺点是—在南面隔一个街区的地方有一家化工厂，在北面隔一个街区的地方有一家屠宰场。”

"What are the advantages?" inquired the prospective buyer.

“那么长处呢?”欲购房的人问道。

"The good thing about it,” said the a-gent, "is that you can always tell which way the wind is blowing.”

(5)提醒信

In the veterinary office where I’m a technician, we mail out reminders when pets are due for vaccinations. Bruno, a German shepherd, arrived for his annual shot, and we were required by state law to ask his owner if Bruno had bitten anyone in the last ten days. "Oh yes , in fact that’s why we' re here，”she replied. Surprised, I told her we assumed they'd come in because of our reminder.

我是一家兽医站的技师。当动物到了该注射疫苗的时候，我们就寄出提醒信。一条德国牧羊犬布鲁诺来做每年一次的狂犬疫苗注射。依照州立法律的要求，我们问他的主人，在过去的十天里布鲁诺是否咬了什么人。“噢，是的，实际上这也是我们到这里来的原因。”她回答说。我觉得奇怪，告诉她我们以为他们是因为收到了提醒信才来的。

"We did,” she explained. "Bruno bit the mail carrier who was delivering your card.”

“的确如此，”她解释说。“布鲁诺咬了你们送提醒信的邮递员。”

(6)单簧管

When I played with a symphony orchestra, our union reached

an agreement with a major airline about which instruments we could carry on board，and which had to be shipped as luggage. A cellist was dismayed to find that his delicate, expensive wood instrument was consigned to the rougher handling and cold temperatures of the baggage hold.

我在一个交响乐团演奏时，我们乐团与一家大航空公司达成协议，哪些乐器可以带上飞机，

哪些要作为行李运送。一个大提琴手惊慌地发现他那精致、昂贵的木质乐器竟要托运，经受行李舱的低温以及野蛮的装卸。

He neatly solved the problem. Cello in hand, he approached the flight attendant at the gate and asked, "May I bring my clarinet on board?” scanning her list, she replied, "Clarinet is okay. Have a good trip,” and, smiling, waved him on.

他干净利索地解决了这个问题。他手里拿着大提琴，走到门口的空中小姐面前，问道:“我可以将我的单簧管带上飞机吗?”她检视了一下单子，答道:“单簧管可以。祝你旅途愉快。”然后微笑着挥手让他进去了。

英文幽默笑话篇三：英文笑话经典

微不足道的善举

A man was strolling along the beach when he suddenly noticed from afar what he thought were children dancing.

有个人在沙滩上散步，在不经意间看到远处好像有孩子在跳舞。

“What on earth are they doing dancing on the beach?”as he quickly paced towards them.

“他们为什么要在沙滩上跳舞呢?”他边想边快速地朝孩子们走去。

He was surprised that a boy and a girl were not dancing but picking up the starfishes which were washed ashore by the tide and throwing them back into the sea.

他惊奇地发现，那个男孩和那个女孩并不是在跳舞，而是在捡被潮水冲上岸来的海星，然后把它们扔回大海。

“Excuse me, why are you throwing the starfishes back into the sea?”he asked.

“请问，你们为什么要把海星扔回大海呢?”他问。

The children ignored the remark but they continued picking up the starfishes and kept throwing them back into the sea.

孩子们没有理会他，继续捡海星向大海扔去。

“Don't you think it is a waste of your time as there are hundreds of starfishes still lying around. Surely you can't keep this act all day long.”

“你们不觉得这是在浪费时间吗?还有成千上万只海星躺在岸上呢!你们肯定不会一整天都这样扔下去吧。”

At last the elder boy replied,“Sir, you see the sun would soon rise and the tide will ebb away.

后来，年龄大一点儿的男孩说：“先生，你知道吗，太阳很快就要升起来了，潮水也会退去。

Though my sister and I can't throw all the starfishes back into the sea, we are sure it matters to the ones we succeed in throwing.

虽然我和妹妹不能把所有的海星都扔回大海，但我相信，对于被我们扔回大海的海星来说，我们所做的是至关重要的。

Would you like to join us, it would make a difference.”The man smiled and said,“It certainly would,”so he too pick up the starfishes and threw them into the sea.

你想加入我们吗?这很有意义。”那人笑了笑说：“非常愿意。”于是，他也捡起海星，朝大海扔去。

A young mother believed that it was very wrong to waste any food when there were so many hungry people in the world. One evening, she was giving

her small daughterher tea before putting her to bed. First she gave her a slice of fresh brown bread and butter, but the child said that she did not want it like that. She asked for some jam on her bread as well. Her mother looked at her for a few seconds and then said, "When I was a small girl like you, Lucy, I was always given either bread and butter, or bread and jam, but never bread with butter and jam. Lucy looked at her mother for a few moments with pity in her eyes and then said to her kindly, "Aren't you pleased that you've come to live with us now?"

一位年轻的母亲认为，世界上还有许多受饥饿的人，浪费食物真不应该。有天晚上，在安排幼小的女儿睡觉之前，她给女儿喂夜宵。她先给她一片新鲜的黑面包和黄油，但孩子说她不喜欢这样吃。她还要一些果酱涂在面包上。 母亲看了女儿几秒钟，随即说道，“露茜，当我象你一样小的时候，总是吃面包加黄油，或者面包加果酱，从来没有面包既加黄油又加果酱。” 露茜看了母亲一会儿，眼中露出怜悯的神情，然后她柔声说：“您现在能跟我们生活在一起难道不感到高兴吗？”

A BIG E-mail Mistake 一封致命的邮件 An man left for a vacation in Jamaica. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day. When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick e-mail. Unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written her e-mail address, he did his best to type it in from memory. Unfortunately, he missed one letter, and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher's wife whose husband had passed away only the day before. When the grieving widow checked her e-mail, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor dead. At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen:

Dearest Wife, Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Your Loving Husband.

P.S. Sure is hot down here.

Talking on the Telephone

Each Sunday the minister called the children to the front of the church while he told them a story. Once he brought a telephone to better illustrate the idea of prayer.

"You talk to people on the telephone and don't see them on the other end of the line, right?" he began. The children

nodded yes. "Well, talking to God is

like talking on the telephone. He's on the other end, but you can't see him. He is listening though."

Just then a little boy piped up and asked, "What's his number?"

在电话中交谈

每个星期天牧师都会把孩子们叫到教堂前面，然后给他们讲一个故事。一天，他为了更好地阐述祈祷的含义，带来了一台电话机。

“你们和别人在电话里交谈，并没有看到电话线另一端的人，对吗？”他开始问道。孩子们点头称是。“好的，和上帝交谈就象通过电话交谈一样。他就在另一端，虽然你看不见他，但是他正在聆听你的心声。”就在这时，一个小男孩尖着嗓子问道：“那他的电话号码是什么？” 是耶稣！In Jesus name

A young businessman had just started his business, and rented a beautiful office. Sitting there, he saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear busy, the businessman picked up the phone and pretended that he had a big deal working. He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments.

Finally, he hung up and asked the visitor. "Can I help you?" The man said, "Sure. I've come to install the phone."

一个年轻人刚刚开始做生意，就租了一个漂亮的办公室。一天，他坐在办公室里，看到有一个人在外面，于是他就装作生意很忙的样子，拿起电话胡吹乱侃，还不停的甩出几个大数字，好像在谈一笔大买卖。

到了最后，他终于挂了电话，问来访的人，“有事儿嘛?”那个人回答，“我是来给你安装电话的。”

Mrs. Jones was waiting for an important telephone call, but she had no bread in the house, so she left the baby at home and said to his five-year-old brother, "I'm going to the shops, Jimmy, and I will be back in a few minutes." While she was out, the telephone rang and Jimmy answered. "Hello," said a man, "is your mother there?" "No," answered Jimmy. "Well, when she comes back, say to her, "Mr. Baker telephoned." "What?" "Mr. Baker.

Write it down. B-A-K-E-R." "How do you make a B?" "How do I make...? Listen, little boy, is there anybody else with you? Any borthers or sisters?" "My brother Billy is here." "Good, I want to talk to him, please." "All right." Jimmy took the telephone to the baby's bed and gave it to Billy. When their mother came back, she asked "Did anyone telephone?" "Yes,"

said Jimmy, "a man. But he only wanted to talk to Billy."

A guy is reading his paper when his wife walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head with a frying pan.

He asks, "What was that for?"

She says, "I found a piece of paper in your pocket with 'Betty Sue' written on it." He says, "Jeez, honey, 'Betty Sue' was the name of the horse I bet on." She shrugs and walks away.

Three days later he's reading his paper when she walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head again with the frying pan.

He asks, "What was that for?"

She answers, "Your horse called."

Good Manners

When Jack bowed to someone, he always did it at lightening speed. You shouldn't wait any longer after he has had his head nod. So he was blamed for no manners. Then some warmhearted men taught him, When you bow to somebody next time, you can count 'January, February, March. until December. Then you can lift your body up. Thus, the ceremony will be perfect.

The next day, he met his uncle, he did as the men told him. The bow was so long that it made his uncle feel surprised and escaped away soon . When Jack looked up, he found his uncle gone . So he asked the passer, Which month did he go away?

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