英语简短笑话

发布时间:2017-02-09 来源: 幽默笑话点击：

英语简短笑话篇一：短篇英语笑话10则带翻译

短篇英语笑话10则带翻译

① Goldfish金鱼

Stan: I won 92 goldfish.

Fred: Where are you going to keep them?

Stan: In the bathroom 。

Fred: But what will you do when you want to take a bath?

Stan: Blindfold（蒙眼睛） them!

=================================================================== 斯丹：我赢了 92 条金鱼。

弗雷德：你想在哪儿养它们？

斯丹：浴室。

弗雷德：但是你想洗澡时怎么办？

斯丹：蒙住它们的眼睛！

② The Revenge 欺骗的代价

Old Farmer Johnson was dying. The family was standing around his bed. With a low voice he said to his wife: "When I'm dead I want you to marry farmer Jones." Wife: "No, I can't marry anyone after you." Johnson: "But I want you to." Wife: "But why?" Johnson: "Jones once cheated me in a horse deal!"

=================================================================== 老农约翰逊就要死了。他的家人都站在床边。他声音低沉地对妻子说：“我死后，我想你嫁给农夫琼斯。” 妻子说：“不，在你死后，我不能嫁给任何人。” 约翰逊：“但我希望你这么做。” 妻子：“为什么？” 约翰逊：“因为琼斯曾在一笔贩马的交易中欺骗了我。”

③ I think that I'm a chicken 我想我是一只鸡

Psychiatrist: What's your problem?

Patient: I think I'm a chicken.

Psychiatrist: How long has this been going on?

Patient: Ever since I was an egg!

=================================================================== 精神病医师：你哪里不舒服？

病人：我认为我是一只鸡。

精神病医师：这种情况从什么时候开始的？

病人：从我还是一只蛋的时候开始。

④ How do I get the gum out我怎么把口香糖取出来

Distributing chewing gum to the passengers, the stewardess explained it was to keep their ears from popping. When the plane landed, one of the passengers rushed up to her and said, "I'm meeting my wife right away. How do I get the gum out from my ears?"

===================================================================

当空中小姐给乘客们发口香糖的时候，她解释说口香糖有助于他们防止耳鸣。飞机着陆后，一位乘客跑到这位空中小姐面前，说道：“ 我马上就要见到我妻子了。我怎么才能把口香糖从耳朵里面取出来呢？”

⑤ Where Am I 我在哪儿

An Englishman lost his way while he was driving in the countryside. He saw a farmer working in the field nearby, so he went nearer in his car and asked the farmer, "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?" "Yes, " the farmer looked at him strangely and said, "you are in your car, sir." =================================================================

一个英国人在乡下开车时迷了路，他看见一个农民正在附近的地里干活。于是他就把车开过去问那位农民：“劳驾，您能告诉我我现在这是在哪儿吗？” “可以。”农夫奇怪地看了看他，然后说道：“你现在在你的车子里，先生。”

⑥ Why do you never phone me?你为什么不给我打电话？

Mrs Harris lives in a small village. Her husband is dead, but she has one son. He is twenty-one and his name is Geoff. He worked in the shop in the village and lived with his mother, but then he got work in a town and went ant lived there. Its name was Greensea. It was quite a long way from his mother's village, and she was not happy about this, but Geoff said, "There isn't any good work for me in the country, Mother, and I can get a lot of money in Greensea and send you some every week." Mrs Harris was very angry last Sunday. She got in a train and went to her son's house in Greensea. Then she said to him, "Geoff, why do you never phone me?" Geoff laughed. "But, Mother", he said, "you haven't got a phone." "No," she answered, "I haven't, but YOU'VE got one!"

====================================================================== 我会告诉你这篇没有中文翻译吗。。。

⑦ The Same Action Yields the Same Result相同的投资相同的结果

A couple of hunters chartered a small plane to fly them to a forest, and made an appointment with the pilot to come back and fetch them in about two weeks. At the end of the two weeks, they had shot a lot of animals that they wanted to load onto the plane. But the pilot said, "This plane won't be able to take more than one wild buffalo. You'll have to leave the others behind." Then the hunters protested, saying, "But last year, another pilot with the same airplane let us take two buffalos and some other animals in the plane as well." So the new pilot thought about it. He was a little bit skeptical, but finally he said, "OK, since you did it last year, I guess this year we can do it again." Then he loaded the two buffalos and a few other animals in, and the plane took off. Five minutes later, it crashed in a neighboring area. The three men climbed out and looked around, and one hunter said to the other, "Where do you think we are now?" The second one surveyed the area and said, "I think we're about one mile to the left of the place we crashed last year."

====================================================================== 有两个猎人包机前往一座森林，到了以后，他们和飞行员约定好两周后来接。两周后，他们射了许多动物，而且打算把这些动物全部搬上那架小飞机，可是飞行员说：“这架飞机除了

一头野牛外，没办法再多载了。你们必须把其他的猎物都留下。” 猎人说：“但是去年另一个飞行员开一样的飞机，就让我们带两只水牛，还有一些其他的动物上机！” (来自:WwW.ZHaOqt.nEt 蒲公英文摘:英语简短笑话)因为他们这样抗议，所以那个新飞行员想了一想后，尽管还是有点存疑，最后还是妥协说：“好吧！如果去年可以做到，今年应该也可以。”所以他装了两头水牛和一些其他的动物。结果飞机起飞五分钟后，就坠落在邻近的地方。这3个人从飞机爬出来看了看四周，其中一个猎人对另一个说：“你认为我们现在在哪儿？” 那个人瞧了一下，说：“我想大概距离去年坠机的地方西边一英哩远！”

⑧ Chief is at the wedding 长官在婚礼上

A police stopped a motorist who was speeding on the street.

"But officer," the man said, "I can explain."

"Just be quiet," snapped the officer."I'm going to put you in jail until the chief gets back."

"But ,officer, I …."

"I said to keep quiet! You are going to jail!"

A few hours later, the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, "You are lucky because the chief is at his daughter's wedding. He'll be in a good mood when he gets back." "Are you sure?" answered the man in the cell. "I'm the groom."

====================================================================== 大街上的一个超速驾驶者被警察拦住了。“但是警官”这个人说道，“我可以解释的”。 “保持安静”，警察突然说道。“我将把你送往监狱，直到长官回来。“但是，警察，我，，，”。 “我说过了保持安静，你要到监狱了。”几小时后，警察向监狱里看了看说道“算你运气好，因为我们的长官正在他女儿的婚礼上。他将带着一个愉快的心情回来的。” “你确定”在牢房里的这个人说道。“我就是新郎呀”。

⑨ Who Is the Laziest 谁最懒

Father: Well, Tom, I asked to your teacher today, and now I want to ask you a question. Who is the laziest person in your class?

Tom: I don't know, father.

Father: Oh, yes, you do! Think! When other boys and girls are doing and writing, who sits in the class and only watches how other people work?

Tom: Our teacher, father.

====================================================================== 父亲：哎，汤姆，今天我跟你们老师谈过，现在我想问你个问题。你们班上谁最懒？汤姆：我不知道，爸爸。父亲：啊，不对，你知道！想想看，当别的孩子们都在做作业、写字时，谁在课堂上坐着，只是看人家做功课？汤姆：我们老师，爸爸。

⑩ Two Birds 两只鸟

Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?

Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.

Teacher: Please tell us.

Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.

====================================================================== 老师：这儿有两只鸟，一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀吗？学生：我指不出，但我知道答案。老师：请说说看。学生：燕子旁边的就是麻雀，麻雀旁边的就是燕子。

英语简短笑话篇二：英语短文笑话全集

英语短文笑话

1,Two birls

Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?

Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.

Teacher: Please tell us.

Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow. 两只鸟

老师：这儿有两只鸟，一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀吗？

学生：我指不出，但我知道答案。

老师：请说说看。

学生：燕子旁边的就是麻雀，麻雀旁边的就是燕子。

2. The Fish Net

"Can you tell me what fish net is made, Ann?"

"A lot of little holes tied together with strings." replied the little girl.

鱼网

"你能告诉我鱼网是什么做的吗，安？" 老师发问道。

"把许多小孔用绳子栓在一起就成了鱼网了。" 小女孩回答道。

3. The New Teacher

George comes from school on the first of September.

"George, how did you like your new teacher?" asked his mother.

"I didn\'t like her, Mother, because she said that three and three were six and then she said that two and four were six too....."

新老师

9月1日，乔治放学回到家里。

"乔治，你喜欢你们的新老师吗？" 妈妈问。

"妈妈，我不喜欢，因为她说3加3得6, 可后来又说2加4也得6。"

4. A physics Examination

Once in a physics examination, Nick finished the first question very soon, while his

classmates were thinking it hard.

The question was: When it thunders why do we see the lighting first, then hear the

thunderrolls?

Nick\'s answer: Because our eyes are before ears.

一次物理考试

在一次物理考试时，当同学们都还在苦思冥想时，尼克很快就答好了第一个问题。

这个问题是：为什么在打雷时，我们总是先看到闪电后听到雷声？

尼克的回答是：因为眼睛在前，耳朵在后。

A carpenter was giving evidence about an accident he had witnessed. The judge asked him how far away he was from the accident.

The carpenter replied "twenty seven feet, six and one half inches".

"What? How come you are so sure of that distance?", asked the judge.

"Well, I knew some idiot would ask me. So I measured it!" replied the carpenter.

距事故的距离

一个木匠为一个目击的事故做证词.法官问他与事故发生地方的距离有多远.

这个木匠回答道:"27英尺6.5英寸远."

"什么?你怎么对这个距离如此肯定?"这个法官问道.

"噢,我知道有些白痴会问我,所以我测量了一下."这个木匠回答道.

称重

An irritated woman burst into the baker's shop and said:"I sent my son in for 2 pounds of cookies this morning, but when I weighed them there was only one pound. I suggest that you check your scales."

The baker looked at her calmly for a moment or two and then replied:"Ma'am, I suggest you

weigh your son."

一个女人怒气冲冲的闯进面包店，说：“今早上我让我儿子买了2磅的饼干，但是当我称它们的时候却只有一磅了。我觉得你的称有问题”。面包师镇定的看了看女人，说：“女士，我觉

得您该回去称一称您的儿子”

Trouble you again

A robust-lookinggentleman ate a fine meal at an expensive restaurant and topped it off with some Napoleon brandy, then he summoned the headwaiter. "Do you recall," he asked pleasantly, "how a year ago, I ate just such a repast here and then, because I couldn't pay for it, you had me thrown into the gutter like a common bum?"

"I'm very sorry sir." began the contrite headwaiter.

"Oh, it's quite all right." said the guest, "but I'm afraid I'll have to trouble you again..."

再次麻烦你

一个看起来很健壮的绅士在一个很贵的餐厅吃完精致的早餐并且喝了一些拿破仑白兰

地。然后他叫来服务生领班，“你还记得吗？”他愉快的说道，“大概一年以前，我在这里像这样就餐，然后因为我付不起帐，你把我想乞丐一样扔进排水沟里”

“非常抱歉先生”后悔的服务生领班说道。

“噢，那非常不错”这个客人道，“但是我恐怕还得再麻烦你一次。”

词汇：1、gutter n.排水沟，臭水沟；2、bum n. 二流子，乞丐；3、headwaiter n.领班

丈夫和妻子

Wife: You tell a man something, it goes in one ear and comes out of the other.

Husband: You tell a woman something. It goes in both ears and comes out of the mouth. 妻子：你给男人说点事，他左耳朵进，右耳朵出。(转身就给忘了)

丈夫：你给女人说点事，她两个耳朵都听进去了，可是从嘴里出来了。

你吹牛吧！

The little John taught his parrot to speak "follow me to say that I can walk."

"I can walk." said the parrot following.

"I can speak."

"I can speak." The parrot simulatedas almost the same as he did.

"I can fly."

"You talk big." The parrot said without thinking for a while.

You talk big

小约翰教他的鹦鹉说话“跟我说，我会走路."

"我会走路”鹦鹉跟着说。

“我会说话。”

“我会说话。”鹦鹉模仿的和他说的几乎一模一样。

“我会飞。”

“你吹牛吧。”鹦鹉不假思索地说。

相关词汇解析：1.parrot n.鹦鹉；2.simulate vt.模仿

Five years experience and imagination

Several weeks after a young man had been hired, he was called into the personnel director's office.

"What is the meaning of this?" the director asked. "When you applied for the job, you told us you had five years' experience. Now we discover this is the first job you ever held."

"Well," the young man said, "in your advertisement you said you wanted somebody with imagination."

5年经验和丰富想像力

只上了几周班的年轻人被叫到了人事主管的办公室。

“这是什么意思？”主管问到“你应聘这从份工作的时候，你告诉我们，你有五年的经验。现在

我们确发现，这是你的第一份工作。”

“是的”。年轻人说，“你在应聘广告中说到，你想要的是一个有想像力的员工呀！”Proposal

An enormously wealthy 65-year-old man falls in love with a young woman in her twenties and is contemplating a proposal.

"Do you think she'd marry me if I tell her I'm 45?" he asked a friend.

"Your chances are better," said the friend, "if you tell her you're 90."

求婚

一位非常富有的男人在他65岁的爱上了一位20岁的年轻女孩，他打算向她求婚。

“你认为如果我告诉她我现在45岁她会答应嫁给我吗？”他问他的一个朋友。

他的朋友回答：“如果你告诉她你现在90岁的话，你成功的机率会更大。”

相关词汇解析：1.proposal n.求婚；（还有建议，提案等，之前有学过了，大家还记得吗？）

2.enormously adj.巨大的，庞大的；

３.contemplate vt. 预期，计划

We Left Nothing

Mrs Brown was going out for the day. She locked the house and tacked a note for the

milkman on the door:

NOBODY HOME. DON'T LEAVE ANYTHING.

When she got back that night, she found her door broken open and her house

ransacked. On the note she had left, she found the following message added:

THANKS! WE HAVEN'T LEFT ANYTHING!

We Left Nothing

布朗太太这天出门，走之前在门上订了个便条给送奶工：

屋里没人，什么都不用留。

晚上当她回家的时候，她发现她的门已经被砸开，屋子被洗劫一空。

在她留的便条上，她发现被加一行留言：

谢谢！我们什么都没留下！

迟了四十年

An old fellow was snoozing away contentedly when he was startled awake by the

doorbell. He staggeredoff the couch to make his way to the door. There stood a gorgeous

young woman.

"Oh my goodness," the pretty young thing exclaimed, "I'm at the wrong house."

"Sweetheart, you're at the right house," the old guy assured her. "But you're forty years

too late."

迟了四十年

一老头睡得正香，突然被门铃声惊醒了，于是他缓缓地从沙发走向门口。开门一看，是一个

年轻美丽的女人。

“天哪，我找错地方了”，少妇惊呼。

“宝贝，你没走错，你只是迟了四十年。”老人说道。

英语简短笑话

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