奥巴马白宫幽默演讲
发布时间:2017-02-05 来源: 幽默笑话 点击： 
奥巴马白宫幽默演讲篇一：奥巴马在2016白宫记者协会晚宴的演讲英文全文
奥巴马在2016白宫记者协会晚宴的演讲英文全文|附段子解析 "奥巴马最后以致敬篮球运动员科比的方式扔掉麦克风，并说'Obama,out', 大步流星的走下舞台，令人唏嘘。"
美国时间上周六晚间，美国总统奥巴马在他最后一次的白宫记者协会的晚宴上，又一次段子手上身，不但狂黑各大媒体，对Hillary、Trump，Ted Cruz等正激烈竞争总统宝座的候选人们也毫不留情。这篇演讲非常精彩。
CARAOL: Mr.President. The podium is yours.
THE PRESIDENT: You can’t say it, but you know it’s tr-ue.
开场音乐是Anna Kendrick的“When I’m Gone”，这句话是在玩这个梗，因为奥巴马即将卸任（be gone）。
Good evening, everybody. It is an honor to be here at my last — and perhaps the last — White House Correspondents’ Dinner. You all look great. The end of the Republic has never looked better. I do apologize — I know I was a little late tonight. I was running on
C.P.T. — which stands for ―jokes that white people should not make.‖ It’s a tip for you, Jeff.
1, C.P.T是指Colored People's Time，吐槽黑人被说迟到。
2，反击纽约市长Bill de Blasio此前关于C.P.T的玩笑。Bill de Blasio之前在另一个场合迟到，于是开了一个玩笑I am running on CP Time.结果全场陷入尴尬。
Anyway, here we are. My eighth and final appearance at this unique event. And I am excited. If this material works well, I’m going to use it at Goldman Sachs next year. Earn me some serious Tubmans. That’s right.
1，这里吐槽希拉里在高盛（Goldman Sachs）演讲赚了几十万美元的事情。
2，Tubmans这里指钱，因为Tubmans是20美元纸币上的头像。
My brilliant and beautiful wife, Michelle, is here tonight. She looks so happy to be here. That’s called practice — it’s like learning to do three-minute planks. She makes it look easy now.
Next year at this time, someone else will be standing here in this very spot, and it’s anyone’s guess who she will be. But standing here, I can’t help but be reflective, a little sentimental. Eight years ago, I said it was time to change the tone of our politics. In hindsight, I clearly should have been more specific.
1，奥巴马用She就是暗指希拉里一定是下届总统。
2，8年前，他想努力改善一下政治环境（the tone of our politics），后来的more specific吐槽这个环境其实越来越差了。
Eight years ago, I was a young man, full of idealism and vigor, and look at me now. I am gray and grizzled, just counting down the days ’til my death panel. Hillary once questioned whether I’d be ready for a 3 a.m. phone call — now I’m awake anyway because I’ve got to go to the bathroom. I’m up.
全程都在自黑
In fact, somebody recently said to me, Mr. President, you are so yesterday; Justin Trudeau has completely replaced you — he’s so handsome, he’s so charming, he’s the future. And I said, Justin, just give it a rest. I resented that.
Meanwhile, Michelle has not aged a day. The only way you can date her in photos is by looking at me. Take a look.
继续自黑自己显老，而Michelle一点没变。
Here we are in 2008.
Here we are a few years later.
And this one is from two weeks ago.
So time passes. In just six short months, I will be officially a lame duck, which means Congress now will flat-out reject my authority. And Republican leaders won’t take my phone calls. And this is going to take some getting used to, it’s really going to — it’s a curve ball. I don’t know what to do with it.
吐槽自己将要下台（lame duck），大家也越来越不把他当回事了。下面说英国小王子George和他见面时穿着浴袍，就感觉自己被呼了一巴掌。
Of course, in fact, for months now congressional Republicans have been saying there are things I cannot do in my final year. Unfortunately, this dinner was not one of them. But on everything else, it’s another story. And you know who you are, Republicans. In fact, I think we’ve got Republican Senators Tim Scott and Cory Gardner, they’re in the house, which reminds me, security, bar the doors! Judge Merrick Garland, come on out, we’re going to do this right here, right now. It’s like ―The Red Wedding.‖
1，unfortunately在开玩笑其实自己并不想来这场晚宴。
2，吐槽之前提名大法官，共和党迟迟不做反应，所以想bars the door，然后就地解决。
3，The Red wedding是《权利的游戏》里面的梗，看过的都知道场面有多震撼吧：）。
But it’s not just Congress. Even some foreign leaders, they’ve been looking ahead, anticipating my departure. Last week, Prince George showed up to our meeting in his bathrobe. That was a slap in the face. A clear breach in protocol. Although while in England I did have lunch with Her Majesty, the Queen, took in a performance of Shakespeare, hit the links with David Cameron — just in case anybody is still debating whether I’m black enough, I think that settles the debate.
在吐槽自己是不是being black enough，因为他说的那些活动都是很白人的。
I won’t lie — look, this is a tough transition. It’s hard. Key staff are now starting to leave the White House. Even reporters have left me. Savannah Guthrie, she’s left the White House Press Corps to host the Today show. Norah O’Donnell left the briefing room to host CBS This Morning. Jake Tapper left journalism to join CNN. 讲Journalism和CNN做对立，吐槽CNN做的不算是新闻。（画面里的Jake Tapper本人表情好尴尬）
奥巴马白宫幽默演讲篇二：奥巴马白宫就职演讲稿
january 20,2009
my fellow citizens:
i stand here today humbled by the task before us, grateful for the trust you have bestowed, mindful of the sacrifices borne by our ancestors. i thank president bush for his service to our nation, as well as the generosity and cooperation he has shown throughout this transition.
forty-four americans have now taken the presidential oath. the words have been spoken during rising tides of prosperity and the still waters of peace. yet, every so often the oath is taken amidst gathering clouds and raging storms. at these moments, america has carried on not simply because of the skill or vision of those in high office, but because we the people have remained faithful to the ideals of our forbearers, and true to our founding documents.
so it has been. so it must be with this generation of americans.
that we are in the midst of crisis is now well understood. our nation is at war, against a far-reaching network of violence and hatred. our economy is badly weakened, a consequence of greed and irresponsibility on the part of some, but also our collective failure to make hard choices and prepare the nation for a new age. homes have been lost; jobs shed; businesses shuttered. our health care is too costly; our schools fail too many; and each day brings further evidence that the ways we use energy strengthen our adversaries and threaten our planet.
these are the indicators of crisis, subject to data and statistics. less measurable but no less profound is a sapping of confidence across our land - a nagging fear that america’s decline is inevitable, and that the next generation must lower its sights.
today i say to you that the challenges we face are real. they are serious and they are many. they will not be met easily or in a short span of time. but know this, america - they will be met.
in reaffirming the greatness of our nation, we understand that greatness is never a given. it must be earned. our journey has never been one of short-cuts or settling for less. it has not been the path for the faint-hearted - for those who prefer leisure over work, or seek only the pleasures of riches and fame. rather, it has been therisk-takers, the doers, the makers of things - some celebrated but more often men and women obscure in their labor, who have carried us up the long, rugged path towards prosperity and freedom.
for us, they packed up their few worldly possessions and traveled across oceans in search of a new life.
for us, they toiled in sweatshops and settled the west; endured the lash of the whip and plowed the hard earth.
for us, they fought and died, in places like concord and gettysburg; normandy and khe sanh.
time and again these men and women struggled and sacrificed and worked till their hands were raw so that we might live a better life. they saw america as bigger than the sum of our individual ambitions; greater than all the differences of birth or wealth or faction.
this is the journey we continue today. we remain the most prosperous, powerful nation on earth. our
workers are no less productive than when this crisis began. our minds are no less inventive, our goods and services no less needed than they were last week or last month or last year. our capacity remains undiminished. but our time of standing pat, of protecting narrow interests and putting off unpleasant decisions - that time has surely passed. starting today, we must pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and begin again the work of remaking america.
government is too big or too small, but whether it works - whether it helps families find jobs at a decent wage, care they can afford, a retirement that is dignified. where the answer is yes, we intend to move forward. where the answer is no, programs will end. and those of us who manage the public’s dollars will be held to account - to
spend wisely, reform bad habits, and do our business in the light of day - because only then can we restore the vital trust between a people and their government.capitals to the small village where my father was born: know that america is a friend of each nation and every man, woman, and child who seeks a future of peace and dignity, and that we are ready to lead once more.
recall that earlier generations faced down fascism not just with missiles and tanks, but with sturdy alliances and enduring convictions. they understood that our power alone cannot protect us, nor does it entitle us to do as we please. instead, they knew that our power grows through its prudent use; our security emanates from the justness of our cause, the force of our example, the tempering qualities of humility and restraint.
we are the keepers of this legacy. guided by these principles once more, we can meet those new threats that demand even greater effort - even greater cooperation and understanding between nations. we will begin to responsibly leave iraq to its people, and forge a hard-earned peace in afghanistan. with old friends and former foes, we will work tirelessly to lessen the nuclear threat, and roll back the specter of a warming pl
to the muslim world, we seek a new way forward, based on mutual interest and mutual respect. to those leaders around the globe who seek to sow conflict, or blame their society’s ills on the west - know that your people will judge you on what you can build, not what you destroy. to those who cling to power through
corruption and deceit and the silencing of dissent, know that you are on the wrong side of history; but that we will extend a hand if you are willing to unclench your fist.
to the people of poor nations, we pledge to work alongside you to make your farms flourish and let clean waters flow; to nourish starved bodies and feed hungry minds. and to those nations like ours that enjoy relative plenty, we say we can no longer afford indifference to suffering outside our borders; nor can we consume the world’
s resources without regard to effect. for the world has changed, and we must change with it.
as we consider the road that unfolds before us, we remember with humble gratitude those brave americans who, at this very hour, patrol far-off deserts and distant mountains. they have something to tell us today, just as the fallen heroes who lie in arlington whisper through the ages. we honor them not only because they areguardians of our liberty, but because they embody the spirit of service; a willingness to find meaning in something greater than themselves. and yet, at this moment - a moment that will define a generation - it is precisely this spirit that must inhabit us all.
for as much as government can do and must do, it is ultimately the faith and determination of the american people upon which this nation relies. it is the kindness to take in a stranger when the levees break, the selflessness of workers who would rather cut their hours than see a friend lose their job which sees us through our darkest
hours. it is the firefighter’s courage to storm a stairway filled with smoke, but also a parent’s willingness to nurture a child, that finally decides our fate.our challenges may be new. the instruments with which we meet them may be new. but those values upon which our success depends - hard work and honesty, courage and fair play, tolerance and curiosity, loyalty and patriotism - these things are old. these things are true. they have been the quiet force of progress throughout our history. what is demanded then is a return to these truths. what is required of us now is a new era of responsibility - a recognition, on the part of every american, that we have duties to ourselves, our nation, and the world, duties that we do not grudgingly accept but rather seize gladly, firm in the knowledge that there is nothing so satisfying to the spirit, so defining of our character, than giving our all to a difficult task.
this is the price and the promise of citizenship.
this is the source of our confidence - the knowledge that god calls on us to shape an uncertain destiny.this is the meaning of our liberty and our creed - why men and women and children of every race and every faith can join in celebration across this magnificent mall, and why a man whose father less than sixty years ago might not have been served at a local restaurant can now stand before you to take a most sacred oath.so let us mark this day with remembrance, of who we are and how far we have traveled. in the year of
同胞们：
我今天站在这里，因为面前的任务而感到谦卑，因为你们的信任而心存感激，同时铭记先辈们做所出的巨大牺牲。感谢布什总统为这个国家做出的贡献，同时也谢谢他在整个政权交接期间表现出的慷慨与合作。
迄今已经有44名美国人宣誓就任总统。这些誓词曾出现在繁荣的上升趋势和如水般平静的和平中，当然，也经常会出现在乌云密布和狂风暴雨之时。在这各种时刻，美国一直在继续前行，这不仅仅是因为执
政的技巧或者有先见之明，而是因为我们的人民一直在坚守先辈们的理想，忠实履行我们的建国宣言。过去是这样，这一代的美国人仍将会坚持这样做。
众所周知，我们目前正处在危机之中。我们的国家正在对暴力和仇恨宣战。我们的经济也被严重削弱，这是一些人贪婪和不负责任的后果，但在做出艰难选择和准备迎接新时代方面，我们出现了集体性的失误。房屋失去了；工作丢掉了；商业萧条了；我们的卫生保健耗资巨大；我们太多的学校不合格；每天都能找到更多的证据表明我们利用能源的方式使得对手更加强大，并且威胁到了我们整个星球。
这些数据和统计都是危机的表现特征。虽然无法具备测量，但产生的深远影响是我们的信心受到了侵蚀--担心美国的衰退不可避免，担心下一代会降低他们的期待。今天我要向你们说的是，我们面临的挑战是真实存在的。这些挑战很多，而且非常严重，它们不会轻易地或者在短时间内就能得以解决。但大家也必须认识到，美国，终将会解决这些困难。今天，我们聚集在这里，是因为我选择用希望来战胜恐惧，用团结来战胜冲突与分歧。今天，我们来到这里将结束悲戚和错误的承诺，抛弃指责和教条主义这些扼杀我们政治的东西。我们仍然是一个年轻的国家，但现在应该摒弃充满孩子气的行为，重申我们不朽的精神；选择我们更好的历史；宏扬那些珍贵而且高尚的理念，并将这一代一代地传递下去。上帝认为天下众生皆平等，众生皆自由，而且都应该拥有追求幸福的机会。
在重申我们国家的伟大时，我们必须明白，伟大绝对不会是一种馈赠，而是要靠我们去努力争取。我们的征途从来没有捷径，也不属于那些胆怯懦弱、消谴工作或者只追求财富名利的人。为了我们，他们整理起自己不多的物品开始穿越大海寻找新的生活；为了我们，他们在血汗工厂辛苦劳作，忍受着皮鞭的抽打并且犁开坚硬的土地；为了我们，他们在诸如康科得、盖茨堡、诺曼底等等地方作战并献出生命。这些男男女女们不停地奋斗和牺牲，一直工作直到双手生疼，目的只是为了过上更好一些的生活。在他们的眼中，美国比他们个人的报负更加重要，也比所有出身、财富或者宗派之间的差别更加重要。这就是我们今天仍在继续的征程。我们仍然是世界上最繁荣、最强大的国家。当这场危机开始后，我们工人的生产力并没有下降；我们的思想也没有失去创造力；我们现在需要的商品和服务，并没有比上周、上月或者去年减少；我们的生产力并没有降低。从今天开始，我们必须振作起来，拂去身上的灰尘，重新开始振兴美国。
环视周围，到处是要做的工作。目前的经济状况要求我们采取大胆和迅速的行动，我们将采取行动，不仅是创造新的工作岗位，而且是为经济的增长奠定新的基石。我们将建设道路和桥梁、电网和数字网络，它们将为我们的商业活动服务，把我们联系在一起。我们将使科学回归其位，应用科学技术来提高医疗的质量并降低其费用。我们将利用太阳能、风能、潮汐能来驱动我们的汽车，运营我们的工厂。我们将变革我们的学校、学院和大学以满足新时代的需求。这些是我们能够做的，我们将做这一切。
现在，有些人质疑我们的雄心壮志。他们称，我们的制度不能容忍太多宏伟的计划，他们很健忘，因为他们已忘记了这个国家曾经作过的事情，忘记了自由的男女在想像力和共同目标、必要性和勇气相结合的情况下所能取得的成就。
愤世嫉俗者未能理解的是，他们脚下的土地已发生了变动，过去那种消耗我们太长时间的陈腐的政治争论将不会重现。我们今天问的问题将不是我们的政府是过大或者过小，而是它是否有效-它是否能帮助家庭找到可支付体面工资的工作，向他们提供可支付得起的医疗服务，提供有尊严的退休。当答案是肯定时，我们就会推动这一项目。当答案是否定时，我们就会结束这一项目。我们所有管理公共资金的人将在这一篇二：奥巴马 就职演讲稿
-----以下为演讲全文(已更新为华尔街日报翻译的版本，谢谢157楼的朋友提醒)-----如果还有人对美国是否凡事都有可能存疑，还有人怀疑美国奠基者的梦想在我们所处的时代是否依然鲜活，还有人质疑我们的民主制度的力量，那么今晚，这些问题都有了答案。这是设在学校和教堂的投票站前排起的前所未见的长队给出的答案；是等了三四个小时的选民所给出的答案，其中许多人都是有生以来第一次投票，因为他们认定这一次肯定会不
一样，认为自己的声音会是这次大选有别于以往之所在。
这是所有美国人民共同给出的答案－－无论老少贫富，无论是民主党还是共和党，无论是黑人、白人、拉美裔、亚裔、原住民，是同性恋者还是异性恋者、残疾人还是健全人－－我们从来不是“红州”和“蓝州”的对立阵营，我们是美利坚合众国这个整体，永远都是。长久以来，很多人一再受到告诫，要对我们所能取得的成绩极尽讽刺、担忧和怀疑之能事，但这个答案让这些人伸出手来把握历史，再次让它朝向美好明天的希望延伸。
已经过去了这么长时间，但今晚，由于我们在今天、在这场大选中、在这个具有决定性的时刻所做的，美国已经迎来了变革。
我刚刚接到了麦凯恩参议员极具风度的致电。他在这场大选中经过了长时间的努力奋斗，而他为自己所深爱的这个国家奋斗的时间更长、过程更艰辛。他为美国做出了我们大多数人难以想像的牺牲，我们的生活也因这位勇敢无私的领袖所做出的贡献而变得更美好。我向他和佩林州长所取得的成绩表示祝贺，我也期待着与他们一起在未来的岁月中为复兴这个国家的希望而共同努力。
我要感谢我在这次旅程中的伙伴－－已当选美国副总统的拜登。他全心参与竞选活动，为普通民众代言，他们是他在斯克兰顿从小到大的伙伴，也是在他回特拉华的火车上遇到的男男女女。
如果没有一个人的坚决支持，我今晚就不会站在这里，她是我过去16年来最好的朋友、是我们一家人的中坚和我一生的挚爱，更是我们国家的下一位第一夫人：米歇尔·奥巴马(michelle obama)。萨莎(sasha)和玛丽亚(malia)，我太爱你们两个了，你们已经得到了一条新的小狗，它将与我们一起入驻白宫。虽然我的外祖母已经不在了，但我知道她与我的亲人肯定都在看着我，因为他们，我才能拥有今天的成就。今晚，我想念他们，我知道自己欠他们的无可计量。
我的竞选经理大卫·普劳夫(david plouffe)、首席策略师大卫·艾克斯罗德(david axelrod)以及政治史上最好的竞选团队－－是你们成就了今天，我永远感激你们为实现今天的成就所做出的牺牲。
但最重要的是，我永远不会忘记这场胜利真正的归属－－它属于你们。
我从来不是最有希望的候选人。一开始，我们没有太多资金，也没有得到太多人的支持。我们的竞选活动并非诞生于华盛顿的高门华第之内，而是始于得梅因、康科德、查尔斯顿这些地方的普通民众家中。
我们的竞选活动能有今天的规模，是因为辛勤工作的人们从自己的微薄积蓄中拿出钱来，捐出一笔又一笔5美元、10美元、20美元。而竞选活动的声势越来越大则是源自那些年轻人，他们拒绝接受认为他们这代人冷漠的荒诞说法；他们离开家、离开亲人，从事报酬微薄、极其辛苦的工作；同时也源自那些已经不算年轻的人们，他们冒着严寒酷暑，敲开陌生人的家门进行竞选宣传；更源自数百万的美国民众，他们自动自发地组织起来，证明了在两百多年以后，民有、民治、民享的政府并未从地球上消失。这是你们的胜利。
我知道你们的所做所为并不只是为了赢得大选，我也知道你们做这一切并不是为了我。你们这样做是因为你们明白摆在面前的任务有多艰巨。因为即便我们今晚欢呼庆祝，我们也知道明天将面临我们一生之中最为艰巨的挑战－－两场战争、一个面临危险的星球，还有百年来最严重的金融危机。今晚站在此地，我们知道伊拉克的沙漠里和阿富汗的群山中还有勇敢的美国子弟兵醒来，甘冒生命危险保护着我们。会有在孩子熟睡后仍难以入眠的父母，担心如何偿还月供、付医药费或是存够钱送孩子上大学。我们亟待开发新能源、创造新的工作机会；我们需要修建新学校，还要应对众多威胁、修复与许多国家的关系。
前方的道路会十分漫长艰辛。我们可能无法在一年甚至一届任期之内实现上述目标，但我从未像今晚这样满怀希望，相信我们会实现。我向你们承诺－－我们作为一个整体将会达
奥巴马白宫幽默演讲篇三：奥巴马2012白宫记者年会演讲
奥巴马2012白宫记者年会演讲：精彩吐槽脱口秀
2012年05月03日 09:53
来源：沪江英语网
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大选年，奥巴马为了赢得选举自然不肯放过任何一个推销自己的机会。在这次的白宫记者协会招待晚宴的演说中，奥巴马犀利吐槽、大度自嘲，用幽默给自己加分不少。
Host：Could someone back there please turn off the President's mic? I think the President's mic is hot, please turn it off. Thank you. Thank you. 后台哪位帮忙把总统的麦克风关一下？我觉得总统的麦克风没有关，请帮忙关一下，谢谢，谢谢。
（首尔核峰会上奥巴马与梅德韦杰夫的私聊由于没关麦克风被曝光，之前的G20戛纳峰会中同样因为没关麦克风而曝光了他与萨科齐的私聊，两次事件都在国内掀起轩然大波。）
Obama：Great. I gotta get warmed up. I...I'm so in love...God! I totally had that. Seriously guys, what am I doing here?
太棒了，我来个热身。我??我太爱你??（一月份演讲时他唱过Al Green这首歌）天哪！我真是擅长唱歌！说正经的各位，我来这是干什么的？
I'm the President of the United States, and I'm openning for Jimmy Kimmel? I have the nuclear codes, why am I telling "knock knock" jokes to Kim Kardashian? Why is she famous anyway?
我可是美国总统啊，我竟然为吉米·凯莫（ABC电视台深夜脱口秀主持人）热场？我是手握核武器的统领（美国总统有一只广为流传的“核按钮手提箱”，里面存放着启动美国核武器的密码），干嘛要来这给卡戴珊讲“敲门”笑话？她到底为啥出名呢？
（卡戴珊最著名的标签是“帕丽斯·希尔顿的好友”，她是罗伯特·卡戴珊的女儿，奥多姆的大姨子。卡戴珊因性爱视频而出名。）
That's it. Next year we send Biden. Now you're right. It's way too risky.
我受够了。明年让拜登替我来好了。你说得对，这么干太危险。（拜登可是口误帝）
Wow, look at my hair. It really went gray. Do you think anybody would notice if I just went a little darker? Right now like a five on the "Just For Men" scale. I think I would go to 6 and nobody would notice.
哇，看我的头发。一片灰白啊！你说我要是染黑一点会有人发现不？按照“Just For Men”（著名染发产品）的标准，我如今只剩5分黑了。我觉得我要是染成6分黑也应该不会有人注意吧。
Is the teleprompterworking? Are you kidding? What do you expect me to do out there? I literally have no idea what I'm saying tonight.
提词器准备好没？（自嘲演讲全靠提词器）开什么玩笑？那我一会上场怎么说话啊？我根本不知道今晚要说点什么。
Man! I could really use a cigarette right now.
唉，现在真想抽根烟！（自嘲以前是烟鬼）
Okay, okay, I'm going. God forbid we keep Chuck Todd and the cast of Glee waiting.
好了好了，这就上场。谁敢让查克·陶德（美国国家广播公司政治中心主管）和Glee剧组久等啊！
Host：Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the President of the United States.
女士们先生们，掌声有请美国总统！
Obama：Thank you! Good evening everybody. Good evening! I could not be more thrilled to be here tonight at the White House Correspondents'Dinner. That is great crowd. They're already laughing. It's terrific.
谢谢！晚上好各位，晚上好！今天我怀着无比激动的心情来出席白宫记者晚宴。这观众太好了，还没开始就笑成这样，太好了！
Chuck Todd -- love you, brother. I’m delighted to see some of the cast members of Glee are here. And Jimmy Kimmel, it’s an honor, man. What’s so funny?
查克·陶德，哥们我爱你哦！我很高兴见到Glee剧组也到场了。还有吉米·凯莫，真是荣幸啊!有啥好笑的？
My fellow Americans, we gather during a historic anniversary. Last year at this time -- in fact, on this very weekend -- we finally delivered justice to one of the world’s most notoriousindividuals.
亲爱的美国同胞们，我们欢聚在这具有历史意义的周年纪念日。去年的这个时候，实际上正是在同一个周末，我们终于将世界上最臭名昭著的恶人正法。（“大恶人”Trump中枪，去年晚宴被猛烈吐槽）
Now, this year, we gather in the midst of a heated election season. And Axelrod tells me I should never miss a chance to re introduce myself to the American people. So tonight, this is how I’d like to begin: My name is Barack Obama. My mother was born in Kansas. My father was born in Kenya. And I was born, of course, in Hawaii.
今年，在白热化的大选季我们再次聚首，Axelrod（奥巴马的顾问）说我不应该错过任何重新向美国人民介绍自己的机会。所以今晚我打算就这样开场：我名叫贝拉克·奥巴马，我母亲出生在堪萨斯，我父亲出生在肯尼亚，而我出生在：当然是夏威夷。（自嘲出生证明事件）
In 2009, I took office in the face of some enormouschallenges. Now, some have said I blame too many problems on my predecessor, but let’s not forget that’s a practice that was initiated by George W. Bush. Since then, Congress and I have certainly had our differences; yet, I’ve tried to be civil, to not take any cheap shots. And that’s why I want to especially thank all the members who took a break from their exhausting schedule of not passing any laws to be here tonight. Let’s give them a big round of applause.
2009年我就任总统时面临众多艰巨挑战。现在许多人说我把太多问题归咎于前任身上，但大家别忘了，这样的做法是小布什首创的。（这句本身就是推给 前任）从那时起，国会跟我就矛盾不断，但我尽量保持风度，从不阴损吐槽。所以我今天要特别感谢那些从无所事事的百忙之中抽空到场的国会议员。（这就是 cheap shot阴损吐槽啊）大家把热烈的掌声献给他们吧。
Despite many obstacles, much has changed during my time in office. Four years ago, I was locked in a brutal primary battle with Hillary Clinton. Four years later, she won’t stop drunk-texting me from Cartagena. 尽管险阻重重，但自我上任以来，许多事都有所改变，四年前，我跟希拉里在初选中斗得你死我活；四年后，她一喝多就从Cartagena给我发短信（希拉里最近走红的短信照和喝酒照，Cartagena也是特工嫖妓门的发生地）。
Four years ago, I was a Washington outsider. Four years later, I’m at this dinner. Four years ago, I looked like this. Today, I look like this. And four years from now, I will look like this. That’s not even funny. 四年前，我是首都政界圈外人；四年后，我出现在白宫晚宴上。四年前，我长这样；四年后，我长这样；再过四年，我就会长成这样了（摩根·弗里曼）。一点也不好笑。
Anyway, it’s great to be here this evening in the vast, magnificent Hilton ballroom -- or what Mitt Romney would call a little fixer-upper. I mean, look at this party. We’ve got men in tuxes, women in gowns, fine wine, first-class entertainment. I was just relieved to learn this was not a
GSA conference. Unbelievable. Not even the mind reader knew what they were thinking.
总之，我很高兴今晚来到这宏伟辉煌的希尔顿舞厅，或者用罗姆尼的话来说叫“日久失修的小破屋”（暗指罗姆尼是富二代）。我想说，瞧这派对，有穿着燕 尾服的绅士，穿晚礼服的淑女，醉人美酒和一流演出——听说这不是GSA大会我才放心（联邦政府总务署公款吃喝事件）。难以置信啊！连读心术都看不到他们脑 子里的想法（指脑袋空空）。
Of course, the White House Correspondents’ Dinner is known as the promof Washington D.C. -- a term coined by political reporters who clearly never had the chance to go to an actual prom.
当然了，白宫记者晚宴又被成为“首都毕业舞会”。发明这个词的记者显然从没真正参加过真正的毕业舞会。
Our chaperone for the evening is Jimmy Kimmel -- who is perfect for the job since most of tonight’s audience is in his key demographic-- people who fall asleep during Nightline. Jimmy got his start years ago on The Man Show. In Washington, that’s what we call a congressional hearing on contraception.
我们今晚的“监护人”是吉米·凯莫（指毕业舞会的成年监护人），他是这个职位的不二人选，因为今晚观众都是他的目标人群:那些看 Nightline（凯莫节目之前播出的晚新闻）睡着没关电视的人。吉米多年前在“男人秀”出道。在华盛顿，“男人秀”是关于女性避孕药品的国会听证（听 证会全是男人出席）。 And plenty of journalists are here tonight. I'd be remiss if I didn’t congratulate the Huffington Post on their Pulitzer Prize. You deserve it, Arianna. There's no one else out there linking to the kinds of hard-hitting journalism that HuffPo is linking to every single day. Give them a round of applause. And you don’t pay them -- it's a great business model. 今晚众多媒体人到场，我必须要恭喜“赫芬顿邮报”获得普利策奖。Arianna（该报女掌门），你们当之无愧！没人能像你们一样每天“链接”到这么多的犀利新闻（指赫芬顿邮报的新闻都是盗用别家链接）。请把掌声献给他们。你们还不付原作者钱，这是伟大的经营模式啊！
Even Sarah Palin is getting back into the game, guest hosting on The Today Show -- which reminds me of an old saying: What's the difference between a hockey mom and a pit bull? A pit bull is delicious. A little soy sauce. 连佩林都重返舞台了，在“今日秀”做嘉宾主持。这使我想起一句老话：“冰球老妈和牛头犬有什么不同”（这句的内涵是说二者一样）。牛头犬的味道好极了。（自嘲6岁吃狗肉事件）再加点酱油。
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