简单英语小笑话

简单英语小笑话篇一：经典英语小笑话

经典英语小笑话 英语笑话（一）

英语老师问一个学生，“How are you是什么意思” 学生想how是怎么，you 是你，于是回答“怎么是你？” 老师生气又问另一个同学：“How old are you ?是什么意思？”

这个同学想了想说：“怎么老是你。

英语笑话（二）

老师在黑板上写了一句：Time is money.并让同学们翻译。有名学生答道：“汤姆是玛丽。”

英语笑话（三）

小明上英文课时跟老师说：May I go to the toilet? 老师说：Go ahead.

小明就坐了下来。过了一会儿，小明又跟老师说：May I go to the toilet?

老师说：Go ahead.

小明又坐了下来。他旁边的同学于是忍不住问：你不是跟老师说要上厕所吗？怎么不去？

小明说：你没听老师说「去你个头」啊！

英语笑话（四）

某日刘洪涛遇到外宾，上前搭话曰：I am hongtao liu，外宾

曰：我TM还是方片七呢！

英语笑话（五）

江青会见外宾，要求翻译要严格按她的意思翻，不许走样。外宾一见到江青，立刻拍马屁道："Miss Jiang, you are very beautiful." 翻译照翻，江青心花怒 放，嘴上还要谦虚一下：“哪里，哪里”。

翻译不敢怠慢，把江青的话翻成英文："Where? Where?" 外宾一愣，还有这样的人，追问哪里漂亮的，干脆马屁拍到底："Everywhere, everywhere."

翻译：“你到处都很漂亮。”江青更高兴了，但总是要客气一下：“不见得，不见得”。翻译赶紧翻成英文：

"You are not allowed to see, you are not allowed to see." 英语笑话（六）

话说某年某月的某一天，叁个神箭手约在一起比箭，目标是十尺外仆人头上的苹果。A神箭手挽弓长射，咻一声，利箭正中苹果。A高傲的昂起下巴，比出一根大 拇指道：「I am后羿！」

B神箭手照本宣科，射中苹果，这回他自大的喊了一句：「I am丘比特！」

轮到C了，他也挽弓，利箭射出！ 结果正中仆人的心脏。就听他结结巴巴好久才吐出一句：「I...I...I...am...sorry...」

英语笑话（七）

某人刻苦学习英语，终有小成。一日上街不慎与一老外相撞， 忙说：I am sorry.

老外应道：I am sorry too.

某人听后又道：I am sorry three.

老外不解，问：What are you sorry for?

某人无奈，道：I am sorry five.

一个中国人（当然是外语不大好的啦）踩了一个老外的脚，为了显示咱国家是有名的礼仪之邦，就先SORRY啦，老外更是礼貌有加，就来个sorry too.

two?the chinese puzzled.恩，咱中国人还不是得礼尚往来？！~那就I am sorry three~

这下老外蒙了，一句what are you sorry for?

晕，还有完没完啊，还FOUR？！~哼，偶跟你卯上了，I am sorry five~(who怕 who？！~）

英语笑话（八）

一位来自日本的旅客，坐出租车去机场的路上，看到一辆汽车经过，就说：“oh，TOyOTA！Made in Japan! It is very fast！”又有一辆经过，他又说： “oh，NISSAN！Made in Japan! It is very fast！”司机有点不高兴，觉得他太吵了！当第三辆经过时，他还是说：“oh，HONDA！Made in Japan! It is very fast！”

后来到了机场，那个日本人就问：“How Much？”出租车司机说：“1000！”

日本人惊奇的问司机：“为什么那么贵？”出租车司机回答说：“oh，mileometer（计 程表）！Made in Japan! It is very fast！”

英语笑话（九）

一位在美的留学生,想要考国际驾照.在考试时因为过于紧张,看到地上标线是向左转.

他不放心的问道:turn left?

监考官回答:right.

于是他立刻向右转.

很抱歉他只有下次再来.

英语笑话（十）

一位中国学生在美国加州目睹了一起交通事故,由于好奇一直没有离开.

警察来了以后问他知不知道事情的经过,

he said:"one car come, one car go, two car peng peng, one car die.

英语笑话（十一）

小强去看电影，到了电影售票处，发现一个老外和售票小姐连说带比得好半天，就自告奋勇的上前做翻译，售票小姐说：麻烦你告诉她，现在坐票售完了只剩下站票，如果要

看要站着看。

小强转头就对老外说：no sit see, stand see. if see stand see.

老外回答说:Sorry I don’t understand your English. 小强就对售票小姐说：哦，他说他不懂英文.....英语笑话（十二）

上高中的时候，英语老师英文水平颇高，无奈汉语不佳。某日上课，老师讲解"独立结构"，举一经典例句："Our teacher comes into the classroom, book under arm." 然后翻译成中文："老师进了教室，胯下夹 着一本书。"顿时课堂上狂笑不已。

英语笑话（十三）

上初中时，英文老师讲到英文字词的词根：Landlord地主，是由land土地，lord主人，两部分组成的－－"土地"＋"主人"就是"地主".接着，老师又向大家提问：motherland是什么意思？"地主婆！"大家异口同声回答。

英语笑话（十一）

70年代学校里学英文，第一课是：Long Live Chairman Mao. 我等愚笨之辈第一次接触英文，背诵不 出，于是在英文下面加 注，曰：狼来了牵着猫。

英语笑话（十一）

某男约某女晚上看电影，约定会面地点后，该男道：I no

简单英语小笑话篇二：简单的英语笑话带翻译

Blonde's Appendicitis-金发美女的阑尾炎

A blonde has sharp pains in her side. The doctor examines her and says, "You have acute appendicitis."

The blonde says, "That's sweet, doc, but I came here to get medical help."

一个金发美女的腹部侧面感到剧痛。医生检查之后告诉他：“你得了急性阑尾炎。（金发美女听成acute 以为是a cute，一个可爱的阑尾炎）”

金发美女说：“您真贴心，医生，但是我是来求医的。”

Little Johnny... Finding Jesus 小强尼-寻找耶稣

A Sunday school teacher is concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus, so he asks his class, "Where is Jesus today?"Steven raises his hand and says, "He's in Heaven."Mary answers, "He's in my heart."Little Johnny waves his hand furiously and blurts out, "He's in our bathroom!"The surprised teacher asks Little Johnny how he knows this."Well," Little Johnny says, "every morning, my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door and yells 'Jesus Christ, are you still in there?!'"一名主日学校的老师担心他的学生们有可能对耶稣感到困惑，于是他问他的学生们：“耶稣今天在哪里？”斯蒂芬举起他的手，说道：“他在天堂。”玛丽回答：“他在我心里。”小强尼用力挥了挥手，脱口而出：“他在我们浴室里！”大吃一惊的老师问小强尼他怎么知道这个。“这个嘛，”小强尼说：“每天早上，我父亲起床后，都会敲浴室的门喊着?基督-耶稣，你还在里面啊？?”

Little Johnny... Know It All 小强尼什么都知道

Little Johnny asks his mother her age.She replies, "Gentlemen don't ask ladies that question."Johnny then asks his mother how much she weighs.Again his mother replies, "Gentlemen don't ask ladies that question."The boy then asks, "Why did Daddy leave you?"To this, the mother says, "You shouldn't ask that," and sends him to his room.On the way, Johnny trips over his mother's purse. When he picks it up, her driver's license falls out.Johnny runs back into the room. "I know all about you now. You are 36 years old, weigh 127 pounds and Daddy left you because you got an 'F' in sex!"小强尼问他母亲的年龄是多少。她回答道：“绅士们是不会问女士们这个问题的。”于是强尼问他母亲她的体重是多少。他的母亲再一次回答：“绅士们是不会问女士们这个问题的。”于是这孩纸问：“为什么爸爸离开了你？”对于这个问题，这位母亲说：“你不应该问这个问题。”然后把他送回他自己的房间。在走的时候，强尼被他母亲的钱包绊倒。当他把钱包捡起来的时候，她的驾照掉了出来。强尼跑回母亲的房间说：“现在关于你的问题我都知道答案了。你36岁了，体重127磅，还有爸爸离开你的原因是因为你在sex上的考评是F！”（got an 'F' in sex，孩纸啊，你想歪了，那是“性别：女”啊……）

Little Johnny... Definite Definition 小强尼-肯定的定义

The preschool teacher says, "We're going to do vocabulary today. Who can use the word 'definitely' in a sentence?"Mary raises her hand and exclaims, "Me me me!"The teacher says, "Go ahead, what's the sentence?Mary replies, "The sky is definitely blue.""That's good, Mary," says the teacher, "but the sky can also be gray or white."Sam raises his hand and states, "Grass is definitely green."The teacher says, "That's good, Sam, but grass can be brown, too."Little Johnny raises his hand and asks, "Do farts have lumps in them?"

The teacher says, "No Johnny, why do you ask that?"Little Johnny replies, "Well, I definitely sh*t my pants."幼儿园老师说：“我们今天要做词汇题了。谁能在句子里运用“肯定”这个词？”玛丽举了手大声说：“我我我！”老师说：“你说吧，什么句子？”玛丽回答：“天空肯定是蓝蓝的。”“回答得不错，玛丽”老师点评道：“但天空也可能是灰色或者白色的。”山姆举手说道：“草地肯定是绿色的。”老师说：“回答得不错，山姆，但是草地也可能是棕色的。”小强尼举手问道：“屁会结成块儿吗？”老师说：“不会的，强尼，你为什么问这个问题？”小强尼回答：“好吧，我“肯定”大便在裤裆里了。”

经同意转载自：

简单英语小笑话篇三：短篇英语笑话10则带翻译

短篇英语笑话10则带翻译

① Goldfish金鱼

Stan: I won 92 goldfish.

Fred: Where are you going to keep them?

Stan: In the bathroom 。

Fred: But what will you do when you want to take a bath?

Stan: Blindfold（蒙眼睛） them!

=================================================================== 斯丹：我赢了 92 条金鱼。

弗雷德：你想在哪儿养它们？

斯丹：浴室。

弗雷德：但是你想洗澡时怎么办？

斯丹：蒙住它们的眼睛！

② The Revenge 欺骗的代价

Old Farmer Johnson was dying. The family was standing around his bed. With a low voice he said to his wife: "When I'm dead I want you to marry farmer Jones." Wife: "No, I can't marry anyone after you." Johnson: "But I want you to." Wife: "But why?" Johnson: "Jones once cheated me in a horse deal!"

=================================================================== 老农约翰逊就要死了。他的家人都站在床边。他声音低沉地对妻子说：“我死后，我想你嫁给农夫琼斯。” 妻子说：“不，在你死后，我不能嫁给任何人。” 约翰逊：“但我希望你这么做。” 妻子：“为什么？” 约翰逊：“因为琼斯曾在一笔贩马的交易中欺骗了我。”

③ I think that I'm a chicken 我想我是一只鸡

Psychiatrist: What's your problem?

Patient: I think I'm a chicken.

Psychiatrist: How long has this been going on?

Patient: Ever since I was an egg!

=================================================================== 精神病医师：你哪里不舒服？

病人：我认为我是一只鸡。

精神病医师：这种情况从什么时候开始的？

病人：从我还是一只蛋的时候开始。

④ How do I get the gum out我怎么把口香糖取出来

Distributing chewing gum to the passengers, the stewardess explained it was to keep their ears from popping. When the plane landed, one of the passengers rushed up to her and said, "I'm meeting my wife right away. How do I get the gum out from my ears?"

===================================================================

当空中小姐给乘客们发口香糖的时候，她解释说口香糖有助于他们防止耳鸣。飞机着陆后，一位乘客跑到这位空中小姐面前，说道：“ 我马上就要见到我妻子了。我怎么才能把口香糖从耳朵里面取出来呢？”

⑤ Where Am I 我在哪儿

An Englishman lost his way while he was driving in the countryside. He saw a farmer working in the field nearby, so he went nearer in his car and asked the farmer, "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?" "Yes, " the farmer looked at him strangely and said, "you are in your car, sir." =================================================================

一个英国人在乡下开车时迷了路，他看见一个农民正在附近的地里干活。于是他就把车开过去问那位农民：“劳驾，您能告诉我我现在这是在哪儿吗？” “可以。”农夫奇怪地看了看他，然后说道：“你现在在你的车子里，先生。”

⑥ Why do you never phone me?你为什么不给我打电话？

Mrs Harris lives in a small village. Her husband is dead, but she has one son. He is twenty-one and his name is Geoff. He worked in the shop in the village and lived with his mother, but then he got work in a town and went ant lived there. Its name was Greensea. It was quite a long way from his mother's village, and she was not happy about this, but Geoff said, "There isn't any good work for me in the country, Mother, and I can get a lot of money in Greensea and send you some every week." Mrs Harris was very angry last Sunday. She got in a train and went to her son's house in Greensea. Then she said to him, "Geoff, why do you never phone me?" Geoff laughed. "But, Mother", he said, "you haven't got a phone." "No," she answered, "I haven't, but YOU'VE got one!"

====================================================================== 我会告诉你这篇没有中文翻译吗。。。

⑦ The Same Action Yields the Same Result相同的投资相同的结果

A couple of hunters chartered a small plane to fly the(来自:WwW.ZHaOqt.nEt 蒲公英文 摘:简单英语小笑话)m to a forest, and made an appointment with the pilot to come back and fetch them in about two weeks. At the end of the two weeks, they had shot a lot of animals that they wanted to load onto the plane. But the pilot said, "This plane won't be able to take more than one wild buffalo. You'll have to leave the others behind." Then the hunters protested, saying, "But last year, another pilot with the same airplane let us take two buffalos and some other animals in the plane as well." So the new pilot thought about it. He was a little bit skeptical, but finally he said, "OK, since you did it last year, I guess this year we can do it again." Then he loaded the two buffalos and a few other animals in, and the plane took off. Five minutes later, it crashed in a neighboring area. The three men climbed out and looked around, and one hunter said to the other, "Where do you think we are now?" The second one surveyed the area and said, "I think we're about one mile to the left of the place we crashed last year."

====================================================================== 有两个猎人包机前往一座森林，到了以后，他们和飞行员约定好两周后来接。两周后，他们射了许多动物，而且打算把这些动物全部搬上那架小飞机，可是飞行员说：“这架飞机除了

一头野牛外，没办法再多载了。你们必须把其他的猎物都留下。” 猎人说：“但是去年另一个飞行员开一样的飞机，就让我们带两只水牛，还有一些其他的动物上机！” 因为他们这样抗议，所以那个新飞行员想了一想后，尽管还是有点存疑，最后还是妥协说：“好吧！如果去年可以做到，今年应该也可以。”所以他装了两头水牛和一些其他的动物。结果飞机起飞五分钟后，就坠落在邻近的地方。这3个人从飞机爬出来看了看四周，其中一个猎人对另一个说：“你认为我们现在在哪儿？” 那个人瞧了一下，说：“我想大概距离去年坠机的地方西边一英哩远！”

⑧ Chief is at the wedding 长官在婚礼上

A police stopped a motorist who was speeding on the street.

"But officer," the man said, "I can explain."

"Just be quiet," snapped the officer."I'm going to put you in jail until the chief gets back."

"But ,officer, I …."

"I said to keep quiet! You are going to jail!"

A few hours later, the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, "You are lucky because the chief is at his daughter's wedding. He'll be in a good mood when he gets back." "Are you sure?" answered the man in the cell. "I'm the groom."

====================================================================== 大街上的一个超速驾驶者被警察拦住了。“但是警官”这个人说道，“我可以解释的”。 “保持安静”，警察突然说道。“我将把你送往监狱，直到长官回来。“但是，警察，我，，，”。 “我说过了保持安静，你要到监狱了。”几小时后，警察向监狱里看了看说道“算你运气好，因为我们的长官正在他女儿的婚礼上。他将带着一个愉快的心情回来的。” “你确定”在牢房里的这个人说道。“我就是新郎呀”。

⑨ Who Is the Laziest 谁最懒

Father: Well, Tom, I asked to your teacher today, and now I want to ask you a question. Who is the laziest person in your class?

Tom: I don't know, father.

Father: Oh, yes, you do! Think! When other boys and girls are doing and writing, who sits in the class and only watches how other people work?

Tom: Our teacher, father.

====================================================================== 父亲：哎，汤姆，今天我跟你们老师谈过，现在我想问你个问题。你们班上谁最懒？汤姆：我不知道，爸爸。父亲：啊，不对，你知道！想想看，当别的孩子们都在做作业、写字时，谁在课堂上坐着，只是看人家做功课？汤姆：我们老师，爸爸。

⑩ Two Birds 两只鸟

Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?

Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.

Teacher: Please tell us.

Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.

====================================================================== 老师： 这儿有两只鸟，一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀吗？学生：我指不出，但我知道答案。老师：请说说看。学生：燕子旁边的就是麻雀，麻雀旁边的就是燕子。

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