幽默故事英语

幽默故事英语篇一：小学生英语幽默故事(超全版,中英双语)

Ten Candies

Mother asks her son, “Jim, if you have ten candies, and you eat four, then how many candles do you have?”

“Ten.” Jim says.

“Then,” Mother asks.

“Yes, Mum. Four candles are in my stomach and six candies are out of my stomach. Four and six is ten, isn?t it right?”

故事2 十块糖

妈妈问儿子：“吉姆， 如果你有10块糖，吃了4块，那你还有几块糖？” “10块。”吉姆说。

“10块？”妈妈问。

“是的，妈妈。因为4块在我的肚子里面，6块在肚子外面，4加6等于10，不对吗？”

小学生英语故事

包括：幽默故事（1-7页）、普通小故事（7-40页）。激发小朋友们学英语的兴趣，帮助他们提高成绩。最好每天背一篇，会有不错的效果的 O(∩_∩)O

英文幽默故事：

There was a guy who went into a shop to buy a parrot. There werethree parrots in the shop. One was $5,000; another one, $10,000; and the third one, $30,000. The customer asked the owner, “How come this guy is $5,000? That?s so expensive for this kindof parrot.” The owner said, “Because I have trained him and he can talk.” So the customer asked him, “How about this guy? What can he do that makes him so expensive?” The owner said, “Well, apart from talking, he can also do some amusing actions,like dancing and so on. That?s why he?s so expensive.” Then the customer said, “How about the third one? What canhe do that makes him so expensive?” The owner of the shopsaid, “I don?t know. Normally, I have never heard him talk, nor dance, nor whistle, nor sing, nothing at all! But the other two call him ?The Boss.?”

老板最大 有个人到一间商店买鹦鹉。店里有三只鹦鹉，其中一只卖五千元，另一只卖一万元，还有一只卖三万元。顾客问老板：「为什么这只要卖五千元？这个价钱对这种鹦鹉来说太贵了！」老板说：「因为我有训练他讲话。」顾客又问：「那这只呢？他会做什么？为什么要卖这么贵？」老板说：「他除了会说话之外，还会表演一些有趣的动作，好比说跳舞等等，所以才卖这么贵。」顾客接着又问：「那第三只呢？他会做什么？为什么要卖这么贵？」老板说：「我不知道。我从没听过他讲话、吹口哨或唱歌，也没看过他跳舞，什么都没有！不过另外两只叫他：『老板！』」

Where is the egg?

Teacher:Can you make a sentence with the word "egg"?

Student:Yes.I ate a piece of cake yesterday.

Teacher:Then where is the “egg"?

Student:In the cake,Sir.

鸡蛋在哪里？

老师：你能用“鸡蛋”一词造句吗？

学生：可以。我昨天吃了一块蛋糕。

老师：“鸡蛋”在哪？

学生：在蛋糕里，先生

Tom is a little boy, and he is only seven years old. Once he goes to a cinema. It is the first time for him to do that. He buys a ticket and goes in. But after two or three minutes he comes out, and buys the second ticket and goes in again. After a few minutes he comes out again and buys the third ticket. Two or three minutes after that he comes out and asks for another ticket. But a girl asks him, “Why do you buy so many tickets? How many friends do you meet?” “No, I have no friends here, but a big woman always stops me at the door and cuts up my ticket.”

汤姆是个小孩， 他才7岁。 当他去电影院的时候。那时他第一次去。他买了张票进去了。 但没过两三分钟他就出来了，然后买了第二张票又进去了。 几分钟后他又出来买了第三张票。 接着两三分钟后他又出来买票。 一个女的问她，“你为什么要买那么多票啊? 你见到了几个朋友？" "没有， 我里面没朋友， 但是每当我进门的时候一位大的女人老把我的票给剪了"

Child:My uncle has 1000 men under him.

Man:He is really somebody.What does do?

Child:A maintenance man in a cemetery

他真是一个大人物

小孩：我叔叔下面有1000个人。

男人：他真是一个大人物。他是干什么的？

小孩：墓地守墓人。

Teacher: Would Shakespeare be a great man if he were still alive today?

Student: Of course. He must be a great man, for so far nobody has lived to over 400 years.

一名伟人

老师：如果莎士比亚还活着，他会是一名伟人吗？

学生：当然。因为到目前为止，还没有人活到400多岁。

Mr. Smith: Waiter, there's a dead fly in my soup.

Waiter: Yes, sir, I know---it's the heat that kills it.

史密斯先生：服务员，我的汤里有一只死苍蝇．

服务员：是的，先生，我知道了，它是被烫死的．

Son: Dad, give me a dime.

Father: Son, don't you think you're getting too big to be forever begging for dimes? Son: I guess you're right, Dad, Give me a dollar, will you?

儿子：爸爸，给我一角钱。

父亲：儿子，你不认为你已经长大了，不该再老是一角一角地要钱了(该自立了)，不是吗？

儿子：爸爸，我想你是对的，那给我一块钱行吗？

A little kid fell in love with another little kid, a school mate. Sometimes the kids think they fall in love when they have a crush on someone else in the class, when they?re eight or ten years old or something like that. So the eight-year-oldkid came back home and asked his father, “Father, is it expensive to be married?” And the father said, “Yes, son, it is very expensive.” So the son asked, “How much does it cost?” And the father said, “I don?t know, son. I?m still paying.”

有个小孩爱上了另一个小孩，对方是学校的同学。八岁或十岁左右的孩子有时会

迷恋班上某个人，然后就以为自己恋爱了。因此这个八岁的小孩回家问他爸爸：「爸爸，结婚很花钱吗？」爸爸说：「是啊，儿子，非常花钱。」儿子又问：「要花多少钱呢？」爸爸说：「我不知道，儿子，我到现在还一直在付钱啊！」

"Boy, why have you got cotton-wool in your ear? Is it infected?" "No, sir, but you said yesterday that everything you told me went in one ear and out the other , so I am trying to stop it."

“孩子，你为什么用棉花塞住耳朵？它感染了吗？”

“没有，老师。可是你昨天说你告诉我的知识都是一个耳朵里进，一个耳朵里出，所以我要把它堵在里面。”

“I'm sorry ，Madam ，but I shall have to charge you twenty dollars for pulling your boy's tooth .”

“Twenty d ollars! Why ，I understand you to say that you charged only four dollars for such work!”

“Yes，but this youngster yelled so terribly that he scared four other patients out of the office .”

“对不起，夫人，为您孩子拔牙我要收取20美元。”

“20美元！为什么？不是说好只要4美元。”

“是的，但是你的孩子大喊大叫，把另外四个病人吓跑了。”

TWO： Teacher：We all know that beat causes an object to expand an cold cauese it to contract. Now，can anyone give me a good example?

John：Well ，in the summer the days are long，and in the winter the days are short. 老师：我们都知道热胀冷缩的道理。现在，谁给我举个例子？

约翰：嗯，在夏天天都长，在冬天天都短。

幽默故事英语篇二：有趣的中英文双语故事

a Mouse and a Bull

A mouse once took a bite out of a bull's tail as he lay dozing. The bull jumped up in a rage and, with his head low to the ground, chased the mouse right across the yard. The mouse was too quick for him, however, and slipped easily into a hole in the wall. The bull charged the wall furiously again and again, but although he bruised his head and chipped his horns, the mouse stayed safely inside his hole. After a time the bull gave up and sank down to rest again.

As soon as the bull was asleep, the little mouse crept to the mouth of the hole, pattered across the yard, bit the bull again -- this time on the nose -- and rushed back to safety. As the bull roared helplessly the mouse squeaked:

"It's not always the big people who come off best. Sometimes the small ones win, you know."

老鼠和公牛

有一次，公牛躺着打盹，一只老鼠咬了他的尾巴。公牛怒气冲冲地跳起来，低着头追老鼠，一直追过院子。然而，老鼠跑得比他快多了，从容地钻到墙洞里去了。

公牛一次又一次地猛撞墙壁，尽管头撞肿了，角撞裂了，老鼠却安然待在洞里。过了一会儿，公牛不撞了，倒下歇着。

公牛刚睡着，小老鼠就爬到洞口，嗒嗒地跑过院子，又咬了公牛一口 ?? 这回咬了鼻子 ?? 又跑回安全的地方去。当公牛毫无办法地吼叫时，老鼠吱吱叫道："大人物并不总占上风。有时小人物也会取胜。"

An Old Cat

An old woman had a cat. The cat was very old; she could not run quickly, and she could not bite, because she was so old. One day the old cat saw a mouse; she jumped and caught the mouse. But she could not bite it; so the mouse got out of her mouth and ran away, because the cat could not bite it.

Then the old woman became very angry because the cat had not killed the mouse. She began to hit the cat. The cat said, "Do not hit your old servant. I have worked for you for many years, and I would work for you still, but I am too old. Do not be unkind to the old, but remember what good work the old did when they were young."

一只老猫

一位老妇有一只猫。猫很老，她无法运行很快，她咬不了，因为年纪太大了。有一天，老猫发现一只老鼠，她跳起来，抓住了老鼠。但她咬不了它，因此，老鼠从它的嘴边溜掉了，因为老猫咬不了它。

a Magic Pumpkin

It was a sunny Fall day, crisp and blue and gold. Kevin and his friend Katie climbed onto the school bus, heading for the Pumpkin Patch. They sat on the back bench and had fun bouncing around. But Katie was grumpy. She didn't want to go on the trip. She hated cold Fall weather and pumpkins and everything. The bus parked at the farm. There was an enormous pile of

orange pumpkins beside a wagon and tractor. Everyone rushed for the wagon. Kevin and Katie sat in the front as it headed out. They watched the huge wheels of the tractor bump slowly over ruts in the dirt path. More bouncing! Then the tractor stopped. On either side long rows of pumpkins lay in the dust, each in its own tangle of vines. They were all different sizes and shades of orange, with light brown patches.

魔法南瓜

这是一个阳光明媚的秋日，凉爽，蓝色和金色。凯文和他的朋友凯蒂登上校车，为帕姆普金帕奇标题。他们坐在长凳上，后面有乐趣蹦跳着。但凯蒂脾气暴躁。她不想去旅行。她讨厌寒冷的天气和秋季南瓜和一切。 巴士停在了农场。有一个橙色的南瓜马车和拖拉机旁边一大堆。每个人跑的马车。凯文和凯蒂坐在前面，因为它领导了。他们看着慢慢在车辙的土路，拖拉机颠簸的巨大车轮。更多弹跳！然后，拖拉机停了下来。 两边的南瓜长排躺在尘土，在其自己的藤蔓缠绕每个。他们都不同大小和橙色色调与浅棕色斑块。

A Lion Falling in love

A lion once fell in love with a beautiful girl, so he went to her parents and asked them to marry her to him.

The old parents did not know what to say.

They did not like the idea of giving their daughter to the lion, but they did not want to eage the king of beasts.

At last the father said, "We are glad to marry our daughter to you, but we (来自:WWw.zHaoqT.net 蒲公 英文 摘:幽默故事英语)fear that you might possibly hurt her. So if you remove your claws and teeth, we will give her to you."

The lion loved the girl very much, so he trimmed his claws and took out his big teeth. When he came to the parents again, they simply laughed in his face, and beat him out of their house.

恋爱中的狮子

一只狮子爱上了一位美丽的女孩儿，便找到她的父母向她求婚。女孩儿的父亲不知道该如何回答，他不忍将女儿许配给野兽，但又害怕激怒这兽中之王。于是父亲说：“我们很乐意将女儿嫁给你，但又怕你不小心伤害她，如果你拔去牙齿，剁掉利爪，我们就将女儿嫁给你。”狮子非常爱这个女孩儿，于是他修剪了爪子，拔掉了尖牙后又去找女孩的父母。可是这时，他们嘲笑他，并把他赶了出去。 寓意: 有些人轻易相信别人的话，抛弃自己的长处，结果轻而易举地被原来害怕他们的人击败了。

The Hare and the Tortoise

The hare was once boasting of his speed before the other animals. "I have never been beaten," he said, "when I run at full speed, no one is faster than me."

The tortoise said quietly, "I will race with you." "That is a good joke," said the hare. "I could dance around you the whole way."

The race started. The hare darted almost out of sight at once. He soon stopped and lay down to have a nap.

The tortoise plodded on and on. When the hare awoke from his nap, he saw the tortoise was near the finish line, and that he had lost the race.

龟兔赛跑

●兔子向动物们夸耀他的速度，“我从来没有失败过，”他说，“当我奔跑时，没有人比我更快。”

●乌龟平静地说：“我要与你比赛。”“真是笑话，我可以边玩边和你赛跑。”兔子说。

●比赛开始了，一眨眼工夫，兔子已经跑得不见了踪影，但是他觉得自己跑得快，对比赛掉以轻心，躺在路边睡着了。

●乌龟慢腾腾地却持续不停地走，当兔子一觉醒来，他看到乌龟已经快到终点线了。兔子输了比赛。

幽默故事英语篇三：英语幽默小故事集锦

英语幽默小故事集锦

约会

When the young waitress in the café in Tom's building started waving hello everyday. Tom was flattered, for she was at least 15 years younger than he. One day she waved and beckoned to Tom again. When Tom strolled over, she asked, "Are you single?"

"Why, yes," Tom replied, smiling at her broadly.

"So is my mom," she said. "Would you like to meet her?"约会

在汤姆工作的大楼里有一个咖啡屋，那儿总有一位小姐每天都和他打招呼。汤姆有些受宠若惊，因为这位小姐看上去至少比他年轻15岁。一天她又对汤姆招手并示意汤姆过去。于是汤姆走了过去。她问道，“您现在是单身吗？” “对，是单身，”汤姆满脸堆笑的说。 “我母亲也是，”她说，“您愿不愿意见见她？”

理所当然

Taken for Granted

THE SCHOOL HEALTH FORMS had been distributed to the students with an error---the word "Sex" had been spelled with an "o". One mother, filling out the form for her son, wrote in the blank next to "Sox": "Usually brown."

理所当然

某学校发给学生的健康调查表里有个错别字——把“性别”的“性”字写成了“袜”字。一位母亲在为她的儿子填写表格时，在“袜别”的那栏填上了：“棕色为主。”

[注] 英语 中sex（性）与sox（袜）只有一个字母之差。世界上最爱你的女人

Which woman?

One evening I drove my husband\'s car to the shopping mall.On my return, I noticed that how dusty the outside of his car was and cleaned it up a bit.When I finally entered the house, I called out."The woman

who loves you the

most in the world just cleaned your headlights and windshield."My husband looked up and said, "Mom\'s here?"

哪一位女人？

一天晚上我开着丈夫的车去购物，

回来后发现车身沾满灰尘，于是擦洗了一阵。当我终于走进屋里时大声喊：“世界上最爱你的女人刚擦洗了你的车灯和挡风玻璃。”

我丈夫抬头看了看，说：“妈妈来了？”

一只小猫

Mrs Brown went to visit one of her friend and carried a small box with holes punched in the top.

" What\'s in your box?" asked the friend.

"A cat," answered Mrs Brown. "You see I\'ve been dreaming about mice at night and I\'m so scared! This cat is to catch them."

"But the mice are only imaginary," said the friend.

"So is the cat," whispered Mrs Brown.

布朗夫人去拜访一位朋友，她拿着一个顶部扎满了小眼儿的盒子。 “盒子里装的是什么 ？”朋友问道。 “一只小猫，” 布朗夫人回答说，“你知道我晚上睡觉总梦见老鼠，我非常害怕。这只猫可以抓住那些老鼠。” “可老鼠都是假想的呀。”朋友说。 “小猫也是假想的。” 布朗夫人小声说道。

My Wife Will Exchange Them Tomorrow

My Wife Will Exchange Them Tomorrow.

A gentleman walks into a store and asked for a pair of gloves. "Cloth of leather?" asked the salesperson.

"Makes no difference, "replied customer.

"What color?" asked the clerk.

"Any," he responded.

"Size?"

"Give me whatever you prefer," the gentleman said, slightlyexasperated. "My wife will be back tomorrow to exchange them."反正我太太明天会来换的。

一位先生走进一家商店要买付手套。

“您是要布的还是皮的？”售货员问。

“没什么区别。”这位顾客回答。

“那您要什么颜色的呢？”售货员又问。

“什么颜色都成。”他回答。

“号码呢？”

“您就随便给我拿一付吧，”这位顾客有点不耐烦了，“反正我太太明天都会来换的。”

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